I feel different

[Mum-in-training]

My anxiety has always been easy to distinguish from others, theres always the signs i recognize.

But for the past couple of months its not so easy to tell whats what anymore.

I feel so sad, like i want to cry all the time. I feel like everything i do is not good enough so i wont bother trying which makes me feel like crap because i dont have the energy or motivation to do anything. I feel like my 1 year old daughter and hubby would be better off if i just ran away and never came back. I feel so angry that nothing i do is ever good enough. I hate looking in the mirror to see the disgusting person i have become. I hate trying to dress myself when its easier to not think about what im wearing because i get so so self concious when i try to look nice for an event or going out because nothing i wear makes me look good. I dont want to smile because my brain brings something forward to make it go away.

I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I don't know why this is happening to me.

Does anyone know what this is? And what can i do. Please i am so desperate right now. I need help bad..

[stormcloudz]

A very warm welcome to the forum, mum-in-training. It takes courage to post here for the first time.

Everything you have described sounds very much like depression. I'm not a doctor and I don't know your full story so I don't know for sure, but all the things you describe are classic.

I know that giving it a label doesn't really explain why, but there are lots of potential reasons, especially all the changes in hormones associated with your recent pregnancy - postpartum depression is reasonably common.

There *are* things you can do, and you should definitely get some help, because it's good to act early, and because you are in distress. Here's some ideas, let us know what you think of these:

- Keep in mind that your depressed thoughts are not accurate, especially the ones about your husband and daughter being better off without you. That's the depression talking, it's not reality. It's common to have that type of thought when depressed, know that you are not alone with this.

- Speak to your GP. Do you have an existing GP or counsellor who helps you with the anxiety? You could just print your post and show them how you are feeling (your post is very eloquent). GPs can provide referrals to therapists and can consider medications if that is something that would help you. Or you can approach a counsellor yourself.

- Do you want to talk to your husband about how you are feeling at this time? He may be able to provide some support. I know you may have mixed feelings, but it can help to be open. It's OK if you're not ready.

- It's helpful to have some emergency numbers to call for those dark nights where you just need someone to talk to for a while. The "get support" section of this forum has numbers.

You are not alone, and the feelings you describe are very familiar to people on this forum. We know it feels horrible, and it's really hard to function or think clearly. We are here for you.

Let us know what you need - companionship, practical advice, our own stories. You don't have to be desperate and alone in your head.

Please know that things will improve with some support.

[Doolhof]

Hi Mum in Training,

Welcome to the community here. If you don't mind me asking, have you been to talk to our Dr about how you are feeling? Is it possible do you think that you may have post natal depression? I am certainly not a medical person in any way, it may be something to ask your Dr about.

I can imagine that having a one year old would keep you very busy and you may not have time to do all the things you usually like to do. Can you make some time for yourself to do things you enjoyed, or can you think of new things you could do?

Is it possible for you to go out walking with your baby? Exercise is good on so many different levels, it helps with depression, fitness, gets us out of the house and has so many other benefits.

Do you have family close by whom you can talk to? Do you have friends with children maybe whom you can socialise with?

Body image can certainly get a person down when we think poorly of ourselves. Is there something you do like about yourself? Would it help if you told yourself that you can make changes to how you feel about yourself? Maybe you can set small goals to help you become fitter if that is an issue for you.

Considering ways to make changes may be helpful to you. Make a list of things you could do, how you might achieve them, and allow time for these changes to take place.

Hope this helps a little! Cheers from Dools

[quirkywords]

Mum in Training,

Stormz and Doolhof have given you very supportive and helpful suggestions.

Just coping with a one year old is enough to make you feel different as all one's times go into your child's needs and you feel exhausted. I used to think everyone was else was coping as other mums seemed so organised. I started really talking to other mums in playgroup and I found I was not alone in feeling overwhelmed. I found when I was honest about my feelings other mums said they felt like that too. You are not alone.

Do you know other mums with children of a similar age or are you in a playgroup.?

Talking to other mums who know what you are going through is very helpful.

I was just wondering how long you have been feeling like this, less than a month, a couple of months, or longer?

Had you felt like this before you had your baby?

As has been suggested maybe talking to your doctor maybe helpful?

Quirky