I don't know what to do.

[KEIRAISHERE]

Hi all, when I was 18 months I was removed from my mother and father due to child neglection and domestic abuse, I grew up with 6 brothers and I was the only girl for 10-11 years until 2 other girls were fostered. When I was 6-7 I was getting sexually assaulted by my 2nd oldest brother. (He was technically my cousin.). As a kid I never got the talk and didn't know that it was wrong, I kept that to myself for 16 years. When I was 15, My uncle started touching me inappropriately too, And I lived with him and saw him every day.That went on longer than what my 2nd eldest brothers did. I also grew up with verbal, emotional, and physical abuse being the least favourite child, I was also the 4th eldest out of 8, so I was the middle child, I got diagnosed with ADHD when I was at least 8 which annoyed my auntie and uncle because I'd always talk and talk and talk and never be able to focus until they put me on medication to hopefully shut me up, I was always being picked on by the younger and elder siblings except for my younger sisters who I ended up protecting from being bullied since they were the youngest out of us all. When I was 16, I went to this camp and we were all talking about family problems and somehow I brought up the fact I was being sexually assaulted at home which ended up with me being removed with my sibilings from my auntie and uncle, I had to have interviews with cops and describe everything in detail on camera with a microphone thing nearby, I ended up getting nervous and stressed all the time leading me to have breakdowns and Self-harm. 

I don't know how to cope with all this since since I still haven't gone to court or anything like that, my breakdowns and panic attacks are getting worse and my motivation and appetite have completely disappeared. I do have 2 therapists they don't relly help, and im seeking advice to distact myself from it all.  

Thank you for reading all of that.

[indigo22]

Hi KEIRAISHERE,

Welcome to the forums and thank you so much for reaching out to us and sharing your story.

I am so sorry you have been going through so much from such a young age. No one should ever have to live through any of that and I want to make sure you know that you are not to blame in anyway for their behaviour.

You protected your youngest siblings from bullying, that says so much about your character. Adults are meant to be your protectors, but it sounds like you have been dealing with everything on your own. Do you have a case manager or someone who is looking out for you and making sure you are getting the help that you need?

This is a very kind and safe community to share your thoughts and feelings with and you will come to learn that you are not alone, we will be here for you to support you. If you need to speak to someone in real time, I have listed some numbers below that you can call and their hours of availability. Since I don't know your age, I have given you a few options.

Blue Knot Foundation - 1300 657 380 (available 7 days a week 9am - 5pm Eastern Time)

Kids Helpline - 1800 551 800 (up to age 25 available 24/7)

1800RESPECT - 1800 737 732 (available 24/7)

https://au.reachout.com/articles/sexual-assault-support-services (for state based services that may be helpful)

If you would like to, you can also look at the social area on our forums

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/bb-social-zone/bd-p/c1-sc1-b2

If you don't feel your therapists are helping you, please don't be afraid to get some advice or recommendations from the above numbers.

I am happy to continue this conversation if you wish.

Please take care,

indigo

[Emotions26]

Hello KEIRAISHERE

I waited to reply to you knowing that a Community Champion would provide you with much valuable information. Thankfully that was the case.

You might not feel like reading detail at the moment. You have it there for when you are ready. The helplines can guide and support you on this journey. A safe space to start.

I hope that you find some support from the information indigo provided you.

Just remember if you so wish indigo 22 has let you know that she is here for you and I have read some of her caring responses to others. You will be in safe hands if and when you are ready. You might feel like connecting with her and not know what to write. Start with hello. Connection is a beginning.

You might also be feeling shell shocked after writing possibly only some of your story.

Remember to breathe.

I do not want to inundate you with words either.

I hope that you do not mind me saying that I can hear a voice crying out to be heard in your writing. I sense your inner strength.

I am not surprised that you wanted to talk talk talk. That was your need and your right. You had so much you needed to say and still need.

You have much strength in your words.

The world owes you ears that listen and hear you now. You so deserve to be listened to.

Please keep on believing in you and try very hard not to blame yourself.

I shall leave you in peace.

Take care of you

Ems