Hello,
I'm writing here because I am struggling to come to terms which what I deem 'anxiety'. I've always been a sensitive person and a worrier but in the last four years I've found more and more I've had periods where I cannot cope.
Something will happen and it will trigger an episode. During these episodes I feel physically sick and it's overwhelming. My stomach feels awful, I dry wretch and have diarrhoea. I am unable to sit still and will have to pace around, this includes at night were sometimes I'll have to spend the entire night pacing around rather than sleeping. There have been times where I've gone days without sleeping (might get an hour with a sleeping pill) and am only able to consume liquids. Often I am at a loss because the event that triggered it is so minor and my fear and worry becomes mainly about the experience itself. The thoughts that continues the circle are depressive in nature (I might lose loved ones, I'll never have a family of my own, I'll always be lonely etc.) rather than a fear of an upcoming event or situation. This means there's no end in sight when I have an episode and I never know how long it will be before I'm back to normal.
People can struggle to understand why I get so worked up over things I cannot change or that shouldn't be that big of a deal. It's difficult to explain to them that it the illness itself which takes on a life of its own.
The only things which ease the distress are walking (which helps to bring the feelings down to a manageable level) and having conversations with other people (somehow this can manages to take me out of the experience all together but it starts again as soon as the conversation is over). The problem is I can't always be conversing with others or walking, especially at night which is the time I dread the most during an episode.
I've been on antidepressants for years and they worked well for a long time but do not prevent these episodes. The doctor also gave me some benzodiazepines for sleep (which I taking very rarely, due to their addictive nature) which sometimes work to help me sleep but only if the feelings of distress are not too intense, otherwise they do nothing.
I have a hard time understanding what's wrong with me and am convinced there must be something wrong with me physiologically for there to be such an intense reaction to stress. I've not been able to find any information about similar cases online so I wanted to put this out there to see if anyone else has this issue.
