Hypochondria, Cant Keep Living Like this

[Scott_O]

• Hello my names Scott, im 25 i really struggle with health anxiety, after a while of having anxiety i started getting stomach issues, bloating, burps and cramps, i went to a doctor regarding it l, they narrowed it to stress, i had blood tests that came back fine, other than elevated cholestrol which then lead me to losing weight, i started at 125kgs im down to 106 ive now noticed this little fat nodules or whatever you call them, they absolutely freaked me out the fear of death has never been so strong that im honestly at the point where i would trade my existence to never have existed at all, just so i didnt have to go through this suffering. I work 5 days a week 8am to 5pm i get no time to see a therapist or a psych, my mum is my support but i feel as if i burden her too much with my problems so im in a constant state of guilt, its just all so hard

[Guest_342]

Hey Scott. This all sounds so familiar to me. About 12 years ago, I suffered greatly from anxiety that just seemed to attach itself to everything. It seemed like the only way at the time to stop anxiety about one thing was for me to have my anxiety cling to another thing. If it wasn't unintentionally stuffing up my tax returns and worrying about getting caught for my (non-existent) mistake in filling out the forms (and Googling hours on end on what the penalties are for incorrect forms), or retracing every car trip I took - or even returning to traffic light intersections and hopping out of my car to study their sequencing for 10 mins - due to worry about having accidentally exceeded the speed limit or run a red light along the way, then it was that I was sure to die in 20 years' time due to what I was sure was exposure to a hazardous material when I was a child (better do some Googling to ensure I don't have symptoms or try to work out whether the material was or wasn't what I thought it was) or was sure to get a serious STD from any and every relationship I had despite being safe in every case - I excessively got checks and blood tests done. Or maybe I wasn't able to claim that government grant that I claimed 5 years ago... then going through my filing cabinet to re-read the fine print of those forms. It was just so exhausting. I wasn't present when in the company of friends and family anymore. I know this doesn't all relate to health anxiety, but I wanted to share how exhausting it an be and how, when I look back, I can see that what I was worrying about led me to many hours, days, months, years of fruitless and excessive investigations and digging up things that didn't need to be dug up and putting all my life's energy into never ending cycles of worry. I had no time after all that to enjoy life! The worry didn't do me any good, and you know what - every single one of those worries never eventuated. I suffered more from the worry and inability to be present in life's moments (due to ruminating and catastrophising over and over) than the consequences that I was sure, back then, would come my way. One time I told my mum I was getting weird pains in my stomach and wondered if I should get it checked - what she said stuck with me. She said,  almost every time it is nothing sinister and it goes away on its own. Of course, I'm not telling you not to get something checked by a doctor if you feel a need to - obviously I'm not a doctor and can't give medical advice - but maybe if the doctors/professionals say there is nothing wrong, and also given the test results indicate the same, maybe you could try to feel okay with that advice and allow yourself to accept that you've done what you needed to do to get to the bottom of the symptom and nothing sinister could be found - allow that to give you a bit of a new lease on life and some freedom from your worries.

have you told your GP about your worry about these things? They could perhaps help you to come up with a plan to be able to identify in the future whether your anxiety is at play regarding particular future symptoms and in which cases you really should get something checked out? That's a bandaid approach, perhaps, and maybe also discuss with the GP the root cause - the anxiety - and how you could address that. Some GPs have mental health as a speciality - you can often see their areas of focus on their practice websites.

Best of luck, Scott. It gets easier. There might be little (and sometimes big) setbacks along the way, but I have found that they are fewer and further between and don't tend to stick around for as long as they used to once I was able to break the cycle and recognise when I am falling back into the cycle.

[justcant]

Hello and welcome Scott ☺️

First of all congratulations on your weight loss 👏🏻👏🏻 that’s really great stuff!

Second, I understand how you must be feeling. I battled debilitating health anxiety for so many years. Having IBS that anxiety triggers made it all the more fun (sarcasm). I  remember noticing every single sensation in my body and blowing it completely out of proportion, more doctor and ER visits than I can count and scrubbing my hands with a brush in case there we germs on them that might make me sick. I know how it consumes your thoughts and just about everything you do. I know it steals your peace and joy. Even though I do still suffer with GAD and emetaphobia, through the help of medications and a damn good psychiatrist I have overcome and learnt to control my health anxiety. It took quite a while and it wasn’t always pretty, but I did it and you can too! 

I strongly recommend talking to your GP about therapy and medication (if that’s something you are comfortable with trying). Anxiety is very tough beast to slay on your own. Reaching out here is a great first step too. I know you mentioned it’s hard to get around your working hours. Is it possible to take a day off the attend an appointment? Do you have an understanding boss? You sound like a hard worker, which is great but the work you put into yourself is just as important.

I’m so glad to hear that you have a supportive mum. Please don’t feel guilty about your illness. It is not your fault and it’s not something you are doing on purpose. Try and imagine if the roles were reversed, would you want your mum to feel guilty for you supporting her through an illness? I’m betting the answer is no. Having a good support person is so important and something you deserve. 

Take it one day at a time.

Sarah.