Hi Ci
Thanks for your reply.
I have cut out drinking coffee (I can't give up tea... It is too good.) and really reduced my alcohol intake. I only drink on the weekends now. I have found this to be helpful with managing my anxiety. Especially the coffee as it mimics my panicky body feelings and makes me tired later on. If I drink coffee I find I spend the rest of the day zoned in on my uncomfortable body feelings and trying to identify the reasons I feel that way. Worrying about everything, rather than recognising that my brain and body are in fight / flight mode.
I am glad to hear that you have had a nice few days at home with your family. I have also been 'hiding out' a little, not in a negative way, just spending time with my boyfriend. It is good to take some time out occasionally. I find it gives me time to calm my worries and less stimulation means less things to trigger my anxiety. It is nice to take time out to reset my mind.
I really appreciate this forum, I only just found it the other day, as it means so much to know I am not alone. I often feel like I am weak or silly for not just getting my shit together, but in reality I have an illness and I need to treat myself with more kindness and respect while I put in the work to get well. That is really hard for me though, I have a totally unrealistic inner critic who overrides these sorts of reasonable thoughts daily.
My partner tells me I 'just have to stop worrying.' I got angry at him the other day because this is so much easier said than done for me. I felt really bad that I was snappy at him. I don't have the ability that he has to just turn off my worry. He is so understanding, but when people say 'just get over it' or similar things, it really hurts. If it was that easy then I wouldn't have this problem.
Cascading thoughts / feelings of worry and anxiety are like an avalanche that I struggle to stop. I am using progressive muscle relaxation and meditation techniques, but it can be hard.
I have been using an app on my phone called 'Calm'. It is quite useful as it has lots of guided meditations in varying length from 2 min to half an hour. So I can slot my practice in to my day depending on how much time I have available. They don't have a progressive muscle relaxation (which works best for me) in the app, but it is easy to find this online. You said you have trouble meditating, me too. It is a skill, we will get better with time.
Thanks for listening to me. It means the world.
neenoo
