How do i explain?

PBelle
Community Member
Just wanting to ask if anyone has any suggestions on how to tell someone that the reason I acted a certain way was because of my illness without it sounding like an excuse or a cope out?
Talking about on here is easy but, I don't how to explain it on the outside. Will they understand that it wasn't my fault, I couldn't control my actions? Or does using my anxiety and saying that I wasn't well an excuse for the behaviour? Should I not say anything or should I be honest about having anxiety issues?
33 Replies 33

PBelle
Community Member

I just wished I knew where this person lived so that I could go and visit and speak in person. Just clear the air. I just don't want to ask anyone. Then maybe we could speak like adults and sort things out. Even if it was goodbye, at least it would be something. I wonder even if he read the last things I wrote to him or whether he just saw the name and didn't bother. It's hard cause even though we aren't friends on facebook, I still see his face through mutual friends posts and it reminds me of the hurt. I'm not going to try and contact for 3 months, hopefully by then, with a decent gap of no contact from me, then he will at least have the heart to say hello. Even if we can't go back to what we were, I still want to be civil and hold no hard feelings. I'm not the type of person who wants to hold grudges or that, I have been hurt so many times over the years by bullies, I don't like to hate.

Thanks CMf, it is so nice to have a new friend to talk to.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Princess Belle,

I have to say, you are holding yourself together a lot better than i did in your situation. If you can get past this really difficult time, when it hurts the most i think you will start to detach a little and be able to deal with whatever happens. Seeing him on others' social media just makes it harder. It's an awful feeling, i know, I've never been able to make a clean break. I know the feeling of just wanting to be given a chance, to show who you are or to explain things. It's heartbreaking.

I wish i could say something to ease the heartache but there are no words. I do want you to know however that you are not alone, I know and understand how you are feeling and in time it does get easier.

Hope today is a better day for you. Do you have any plans?

cmf x

PBelle
Community Member
Just got home from lunch with some of the family. My uncle, aunt and cousins came down from Queensland for Christmas and head back on the weekend. Hadn't seen them in 7 years. Had an enjoyable time. Now I have to rest up and prepare for work tomorrow.

PBelle
Community Member
Well, I might be holding myself together because it has been months since he last spoke to me. And I have been hurting since the day when he cut me off. But I can tell you that i have been in the shower losing it, crying my eyes out at night. The I feel stronger, but then the weakness comes back. He had some personal issue this year and I asked him if he was ok. Problem was the anxiety took over and I began to worry excessively, and I kept asking him to contact me. Was it that hard just to send a quick text saying something like i'm fine, need time out, or something like that? It would have eased my mind so much and then I wouldn't have kept pushing. That's all I wanted the whole time, just to know that he was ok. And then when he began talking to other people in the months after, I kept trying just to get an acknowledgement. Seeing him friend other people on facebook, yet he won't give me the time of day anymore. It hurts me. I don't know if he thinks by not talking to me, then he won't hurt me or whether he can't face me cause he is embarrassed or something, who knows. The fact is that all I want is to talk it out, clear the air and then whatever, whether closure or friends again. It is just so frustrating. What do they always say about that you shouldn't get romantically involved with a close friend cause it will just end in tears? Yep, this time last year, I had this amazing friend who I was in love with, now I don't have either.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Princess,

just checking in to see how you are going? Have your guests left as yet? Any other news?

cmf

PBelle
Community Member

Hi CMF,

Yeah things are better now. My guests did leave this morning. It was a bit awkward being alone with people who are my parents friends, but I got through. And at times, I did want to go and be alone, but I sat with them. It's nice to have room to breathe now.

As far as the issue with a certain friend, nothing in that boat yet, but I know of another close friend of his and I wrote to him, keeping it simple, but explained things and asked them if it was possible that they could have a kind word for me. I don't know if it was the right thing to do or not, but maybe having a kind of mediator, maybe the deadlock could be broken to some degree. Then we could either make up or I could have closure. Whether they do or not, time will tell.

PBelle
Community Member
OMG, guys, it's been a great day. First facing my fear of driving. Besides telling all my friends on facebook, I also sent a message to my friend who is related to this thread, adding a nice pic of me, it's the same pic as my facebook profile and I got a response. Small but a start, thanking for the pic. But even though it was just that, I don't care cause it is something. Something to build on. They small steps led to bigger things. Well I had my first step today. I'm on top of the world!

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Oh Princess,

that is great news, he responded. The fact that it was a 'thank you' is a bonus. He appreciated it, no matter how he feels he appreciated it.

wow, you've had a big day, I'm happy for you.

cmf x

PBelle
Community Member
I know, I haven't had an up day like this in sooooo long! I know it isn't much, but it is a start. And that's how I am playing it, it might take some time, but small steps led to bigger things. Thanks CMF, I certainly am glad to have you around.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Princess,

How are things going? Hope all is well.

cmf x