How can I stop overthinking all the time?

[Simba13]

I need some advice on how to just live in the moment and no over analyse and over think everything. I've been dating a guy for 6 months and things are great, he tells me he really likes me but says sometimes he's conflicted about me. Since he has said that I over think everything that he says and get really sad when he doesn't have time for me. He says he likes me best when I am just happy and carefree but lately I just worry so much that he's going to leave. I would just like to live in the moment and not over think everything because I know he likes and cares for me but I just worry. Any help would be appreciated.

[white knight]

Hi , welcome

Dwelling on things can refect an unobvious illness like mania, anxiety or adhd and so on or simply insecurity . So best to chat with your GP.

On the other hand your over analysing could be purely your personality and if so you may not be compatible with someone that wants you to just be jovial all the time. One has to accept the negatives in us. There is nothing wrong with being serious or a thinker.

When young however some like "just fun" which I find unrealistic.

Here are a few threads you can google that will help

Beyondblue Topic who cries over spilt milk?

Beyondblue Topic worry worry worry

TonyWK

[ProDude]

Hi there.

Dont be too hard on yourself about this. The fact he's said that he feels conflicted about you raises some alarm bells in my mind about this guy, but then again I dont know whats really happened in the 6 months.

It sounds like your overanalysing may be stemming from a fear of abandonment, which may sometimes be associated with feelings of low self-worth and depending on others for your own happiness. Something important to know is that a fear of abandonment often becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy because the insecure person ends up becoming clingy and obsessive with the partner to the point that it pushes them away because the relationship turns toxic. As far as the overanalysing goes and how that impacts the relationship, check your emotional intensity. If you are panicking or really experiencing major anxiety, the last thing you will want to do is contact him because it will only sabotage what good is left in the relationship.

In saying that though, the fact this guy wants you to be jovial and carefree all the time is not necessarily a good thing. If he only wants you when you are one particular mood, he doesn't sound like someone who is able to be in a real committed relationship. Its a fine balance where you should be able to have open communication enough to understand where you both are at emotionally and be able to work through issues and concerns. My advice to you would be to take an objective look at your relationship with this guy. Why does he say he's conflicted? Is he really worth the worry? Do you think you can have an honest conversation about how you feel with him and expect him to be empathetic or would he turn his back? If its the latter, maybe he's not the one for you. And that's ok because it just means the right one is still out there.

[therising]

A warm welcome to you Simba13

I can relate to being a deeply analytical person. As long as thinking doesn't get in the way of doing, such mental processing can be beneficial.

Instead of asking questions like 'What's wrong with me? Why am I having so much trouble with this person or situation?' I'll tend to ask 'What's the challenge I'm facing?' This way, I'm less self-critical whilst focusing on how to move forward.

Could your challenge involve discovering what it means to love yourself? This can be a pretty complex process, for not only do we need to work out what 'love' actually means to us, we may also have to erase how we've falsely identified 'love' through past experience. Past experience may dictate that we are lovable when we're accepted by others, when we're given attention by others or when we're being cared for by others. This dictates that love is external, leading to a constant search for it. If we're self-loving, we don't need to search for it. With self-love, we accept our self, we give our self the attention we deserve or require and we find ways to care for our self.

My own personal take on 'love'? I believe love is found in evolution. When we are positively investing in our own evolution, we are being positively self-loving. When we're positively invested in each other's evolution (such as in a relationship), a positive form of love is what we share.

When it comes to your guy, I imagine 1 of 2 things may be happening, in regard to the conflict he's experiencing:

1. He's self focused and is conflicted by having to shift attention away from him self and what he wants
2. He's a genuinely loving happy guy who's conflicted by the idea that the relationship's not naturally evolving, without too much effort

Either way, his sense of conflict is asking him to choose between 2 conflicting thoughts - Consciously work on the evolution of the relationship or don't.

In the case of love, how do we create more of it? I believe a healthy balance of mental, physical and spiritual stimulation typically does the trick. Whether we're mentally processing the music and environment whilst exercising life on the dance floor or we're mentally processing that which comes through a shared walk through nature (aka life), positive energy becomes interactive through the mind/body/spirit connection. Consider thinking up a variety of new energies/connections for yourself as well as ones to share.

We are in a natural state of love when we're evolving.

Take care of yourself