Dear Kaelyn
Welcome to the forum. Good to meet you.
I believe you can be what you want to be. The only thing you cannot change is the past as I am finding out. I am sorry you feel you have lost out on your teenage years but if memory serves they are not always the greatest time of our lives. Lots of teenage angst.
When we miss out on something invariably we want to go back to try it out and feel cheated when the opportunity is not there. Perhaps that is what you are feeling or why you are feeling miserable. You can still be a rebellious young adult if you wish, there are many still around. I'm not sure you will find it as enjoyable as you would like it to be because you are also growing up despite how it seems.
You have pinpointed your dissatisfaction and I think you could not have done this as a teenager. We are far too self absorbed at that stage of our growing. The change from teen to young adult does seem to happen quickly but the teen world changes fast, leaving school and going to uni or finding a job. Suddenly you are responsible for your actions and that's what makes the difference.
Sad though it may be to you, becoming an adult is something you have little control over. It sounds harsh I know and the only real option is to accept what is happening. Make the best of what you are now and grow with your friends. I think I can guarantee most of your friends have a few regrets about their lives but they are still moving on. I hope you can put aside your disappointment and make the best of your life in the future. It will give you tears and triumphs but being a more experienced person will help you to meet your challenges in the future. You got through your mental illness (depression?) which means you can cope with the rest of your life.
Mary
