Hi! Trying to sort my life out

[alifelivedalone]

Hi everybody,

I'm a 27 year old girl who was diagnosed with anxiety and mild depression a year ago, after it got so bad I was just desperate for it to stop so I finally went to the doctor, I've not being prescribed any meds and if I'm being honest I don't think I've gotten much better either. I've been seeing my therapist as recommended but I feel the same as I always did.

I'm from a rural background so I've just worked on the farm and never really had any outside friends or activities, but my dad died 7 years ago and although me and my mum tried to keep the farm going we just couldn't do all the work, so late last year we sold. Now I'm friendless, boyfriend-less, hobby-less and educational-less and not very happy as you can imagine 😞 I want more from my life. I've travelled a bit with my mum and I'd love to continue but I'm too sacred to go alone.

I dropped out of school in year 8 due to bulling and, what I thought at the time, a reliable future in agriculture. I'm now trying to go back to school, which as I'm sure you can imagine is a huge deal, I started last week in a year 12 program but I'm concerned with my lack of education I'll fail. I feel sick and shaky before every class and I have weird nightmares over it too. I've never even written an essay and my math is pretty bad and I have no idea about note taking! I don't want to fail.....I tend to want to quit before then which means I never get anywhere! My ultimate goal is University but at the moment I just feel like maybe it's too late for all that? I don't know.

Anyway I'm hoping I can find some kindred sprints and support on this board 🙂

 Vanessa

[white knight]

Hi Vanessa, welcome here to Beyond Blue forums

At 17 I always wanted to be a pilot. Ended up a Librarian in the RAAF. Sometimes we aim for the stars but it isnt realistic.Being positive doesnt mean extending your goals to the point whereby they are unreachable.

I think, due to your own admission you will struggle at school and as it is giving you anxiety it might be a good time to cut your losses on it and find a job or career that's reachable. Just my view. Why jump into a snake pit?

What about a jillaroo job for a while? plenty advertise. And if you visit the farm first and inspect it and talk to the people?

Bare in mind those that suffer from mental illness issues often dont have the endurance to keep long term commitments like years of schooling.

But other might disagree.

Tony WK

[Doolhof]

Hi Vanessa,

I think it is very courageous of you to consider returning to school after only having reached year 8. There is certainly a lot of schooling you have missed out on. As White Knight has said, it will be a difficult slog for you, but if it is your dream then you may be able to make it happen for you.

Contact the counsellor connected to the place where you are studying, or the education advisor or what ever support is there and ask for all the help that you need. There may be study groups you could hook into as well. Give it your best shot.

Otherwise also as White Knight mentioned, apply for work that you can manage to do. I have heard there is great pay to be made on some jobs!

Regarding travelling, you could go on a tour that way you will not be alone. People generally talk to each other on tours and you may chum up with someone for the tour. Usually the tours are so busy anyway, you have no time to feel alone!

Have you tried to find hobbies and interests that you might enjoy? Look around in the area you are in and see if there are any clubs you could be interested in.

If you don't mind me asking, are you still living with your Mum or by yourself? Do you live in a city or a town? How is your Mum settling into her new life? Is your Mum out and about making new friends and finding different interests?

Have you told your therapist you are still feeling the same way? Have you mentioned this to your Dr as well?

I hope some of this has been helpful. Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[alifelivedalone]

Hey guys 🙂

thanks for commenting, I'm about to yo to bed now and have a busy few days but I'll reply in detail as soon as I can. In the meantime thanks for posting and I hope to see more 🙂

vanessa

[Maxco]

Hi alifelivedalone,

I thought I would comment on your post and particularly:

Now I'm friendless, boyfriend-less, hobby-less and educational-less and not very happy as you can imagine 😞 I want more from my life. I've travelled a bit with my mum and I'd love to continue but I'm too sacred to go alone.

Everyone is an individual and everyone is unique. If others don't see you for your unique qualities then it is they who have a problem. Stand tall and never doubt yourself and at all times try to be positive.  

You are not friendless, you are between friends and seeking friends.  
You are not boyfriendless, you are between boyfriends and seeking a new boyfriend.
You are not hobbyless, you are between hobbies and deciding on a new hobby. Educational-less, no, your ultimate aim is University - never forget that.  You say it's too late. It's never too late - only recently there was a news article about at 96yr man who just completed his Law degree.  I have never forgotten his achievement as it forever inspires me to continue and better myself in whatever I do.

You don't have to worry about travelling alone, everyone at some stage in their life is faced going somewhere on their own. Perhaps you could start with a small step of visiting a relative intra or interstate, knowing that you will be met at the end of the journey? There is a quote by former Chinese leader, Mao Zedong who was reported to have said, "the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step".

[Neil_1]

Hi there Vanessa

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for posting.

My immediate thought in reading your post is that you write very well.   Schooling only till Year 8, but you’ve certainly got a skill with being able to write and project your story, which is a great skill to have.

White Knight and Mrs Dools have provided great responses to you.

I would just like to dwell a little more on your diagnosis and in particular your therapist and doctor.  Since seeing your doctor and therapist, do you feel that you’re in a better place (mentally-speaking) now, a worse place or about the same?  I raise this as it just appeared to me when reading your post that the doctor, yes, did advise you about anxiety and mild depression and referred you to a therapist, but then seemed to have left it at that.

I’m just wondering whether another GP might be an option as well for you?  A second opinion?

Having said this, I am no doctor, just a fellow sufferer of mental health issues and so this is something only you can know;   but just if you were thinking about it, on this site, Beyond Blue have a list of GP’s that can be searched for;  and each one is experienced with mental health issues and from that, they would have their own psyches/therapists that they could refer you on to if they thought it necessary;  & perhaps prescribe an anti-depressant, again if they thought it necessary.

I also grew up on a farm till I was 19yo;  so I also think that a person who grew up on a farm and you know had to pitch in and do all kinds of jobs, has a very solid foundation for work and could be a very valuable asset to a lot of jobs – which could be an advantage when you are wishing to apply for jobs as it might broaden the range to apply for.  Just a thought.

Kind regards

Neil

[alifelivedalone]

First off thanks to everyone for the replies so far 🙂
@ White Knight One of the reasons I choose university as a goal is that I thought, ultimately, it was a realistic goal. Don't get me wrong I have no illusions that I'm going to go into medicine or vet science, but I hope with some work (even if I need to ultimately go back to year 10, then year 12, then university) I will be able to get there 🙂 I'd also rather not work in the rural field, it was very hard leaving the farm and I wouldn't want to work for anyone else in that field. I feel like if I avoid everything that gives me anxiety I'd never leave the house 😞 I'm hoping the forced routine and structure of school might be good for me. I'm currently only doing 3 subjects so we shall see I guess 🙂

 @ Dolhof Thank you 🙂 I'm always nervous to ask for help, but I will try to. I don't have to work currently due to my cut of the farm so I have some time to focus solely on school. Your travel group idea is a good one, I may start that way but what I'd really love to do is get a working visa for a couple of years and work travel around a Canada-I only have till I'm 31 to do so unfortunately 😞 No hobbies but the travel bug right now, although I have been enjoying decorating my planner-not sure that's a hobby! I'm still living with my mum, I don't have my drivers licence yet ( I can drive but not officially!) so she drives me most places, we're in a tiny country town and my mum keeps to herself pretty much. Her garden is her hobby 🙂 I see my therapist tomorrow I'll try and bring it up then.....I feel like I'll be disappointing her somehow.

@ Maxco Thank you 🙂 I really hope I can prove you right! And thanks for saying its not too late-I think I need to be reminded of that often 🙂

@ Neil1Thanks for the compliment about my writing 🙂 As for my doctor and therapist, no I don't feel I'm in a better place. The same mostly or occasionally worse, particularly the depression at being so stuck in life. I never really thought of getting as second opinion but if things don't improve I should do just that. I have done many odd jobs its true but animals are where most of my experience lies 🙂

I really appreciate that you all took the time to reply to me 🙂

Vanessa 

[Doolhof]

Hi Vanessa,

One of the great things about Beyond Blue is that we are all free to be ourselves here and that people are willing to offer each other advice, encouragement and ideas.

I enjoy reading the posts where people are willing to have a go and want to improve their lives.

You fit into this category, as you are trying hard with your schooling, and you have plans for the future. Having a driver's license could be very beneficial, have you thought about obtaining that? Being on a farm you have probably driven from a young age!

Regarding travel, some travel places have evenings where they talk about upcoming tours. You could make enquiries at the local travel agent, either in person or over the phone.

I know it is not always easy to ask for help, I am not always very good at that myself. But when I do ask, I find people are usually more than willing to help.

Thanks for getting back to us all. It is great to know how people are progressing. Your ideas and solutions to issues can be of benefit to others, so please keep sharing your plans and ideas if you feel like it.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Onion33]

Vanessa

You do write really well. Perhaps you are a naturally smart cookie! 

I agree with your decision to finish year 12. It is expected the days and can be hard to get a job without it. I also encourage a University degree if that's what you'd like to do.

Would it help of you explained your situation to your teacher and ask for extra assistance? My parents are teachers and were always happy to give extra help.

You are doing the right thing! If you get a second opinion to help get on top of the depression and anxiety, I'm sure school will become even more manageable.

You shouldn be very proud of yourself!