Health Anxiety has ruined me.

[LilKiwi]

Not even two weeks ago, I woke up and had a pain in my right breast. The following week there was a small lump in my armpit but that had since passed. I had convinced myself I had breast cancer and went to see a GP, giving the all clear, I hoped all my troubles would be gone and things would surely clear up. Apparently I was wrong. Not even a day or two later, I started feeling pains around my neck and collarbone. The right side of my face started to feel swollen and tingly. So what did I do? Good ole’ doctor Google.

Breast Cancer. Meningitis. Brain Cancer. Dying. Cancer, cancer.

I was destroying myself. My partner watched me changed before his very eyes. For someone who has mild to no anxiety most of my life, I don’t even know who I am anymore.

I went to a new GP with my symptoms and he diagnosed me with Conjunctivitis and a bacterial infection in the right side of my face.

Hoping that would help, I’ve noticed now that it seems my antibiotics aren’t doing anything and I have this horrible sleep pattern.

Anytime I try to lay down, I feel tightness all around my neck and be back of my head. Sometimes it’s so bad, I can’t sleep. I’ll get two to three hours. Now I’ve just made myself so anxious and thinking something is wrong, I just can’t even think about sleep with out tensing up.

I keep researching and researching, thinking I have a brain tumor.

I’m not suffering from anything vision, movement or vomiting related. I’m literally tearing myself apart.

This sickness is ruining my relationship and mental health. I can’t believe how I’ve become in a matter of two weeks.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I’ll be returning to the GP again on Saturday.

[Merkles]

Health Anxiety is horrible, I've recently struggled with this myself.

Do you find that during the day you cannot focus on anything else, because in your mind you are constantly focused on everything that could be wrong with you? That's how I get, it's very tiring.

It is best to see your GP, not only to get the all clear, but for your own peace of mind. Even though that doesn't always take the thoughts away.

Good luck 🙂

[SammyD100]

Hi lilKiwi

Firstly, welcome to beyondblue - and well done on writing your first post. I’m sure it took courage to write your experience down and I hope you find the responses you get helpful.

Good ole’ doctor Google has a lot to answer for I think!! I have two children and when they were younger they got all sorts of rashes and viruses. So of course I would google their symptoms and come up with multiple potentially life-threatening illnesses and become beyond anxious! Each and every time it was nothing and soon passed. So we definitely have something in common there and I know there are many, many other people who would have done exactly what you have done, and come to similar conclusions as you. I used to try and tell myself that Dr Google can never fully assess our risk factors, history and symptoms as well as our GP can - so on some level we need to accept that our GP’s qualifications and diagnostic abilities have more weight than google. It can be difficult to reconcile our symptoms, and the very small potential of a life-threatening illness that we would want treated, with accepting that our GP is the best person to judge these things though! I hope that makes sense?!

So far you’ve seen two GPs and been diagnosed with conjunctivitis and a bacterial infection. But it sounds like you feel like your symptoms haven’t been explained yet? I think seeing anther GP on Saturday is probably reasonable given you still have symptoms that the antibiotics haven’t cleared up. However if this GP again rules out something worse, like a brain tumour or cancer, you might have to start challenging those catastrophic thoughts you’ve been having. It sounds like they’re becoming quite debilitating and the anxiety they are creating is impacting on your sleep. I may be wrong, but I’m guessing that your thoughts are leading to the somatic symptoms (the tension and tightness in your neck and head) you’re experiencing when you try to sleep. We know that our thoughts can be extremely powerful, and can literally trigger somatic symptoms in our body. It might be worth mentioning your anxiety levels to your GP and see if they think you might benefit from some Psychological support too, like some sessions of CBT with a Psychologist.

I hope I haven’t come across as too dismissive in my response here! Anxieties about health are very common but I hope you’re able to get some reassurance form your GP on Saturday.

All the best,
SammyD

[LilKiwi]

Hi SammyD,

thank you for your response. Part of me do believes, there is something plaguing my right side. So the infection diagnosing does sound reasonable at times. Considering the GP mentioned my swollen nodes which take up to four weeks to go down!

As for the mentioning of somatic symptoms, I’ve never heard of this and I am starting to believe that maybe this is what it is.

Going to the first GP, he gave my breast an exam and found nothing yet I still feel like something is wrong with my breast but at the same time, my antibiotics are cancelling out my birth control which may be causing my painful breast.

The only real concern is my lack of sleep and the tightness in my neck and head.

Thank you again.

[baet123]

Hey LilKiwi,

A big welcome to the forums,

Beyondblue is a great non judgmental service where you are able to express yourself and people who care about what you say will be here to offer support and advice.

Thank you for your post and sharing your journey with us. I think its really brave of you and to post and I can tell you have an immense amount of courage and resilience which are amazing qualities to have.

I experienced severe health anxiety where I had no physical symptoms and nothing "physically" wrong with me but was experiencing whole body pains and the like due to my mind playing tricks on me. What I suggest you can do to ease some of your absolutely reasonable concerns like SammyD mentioned, try to stop googling it. I used all the time and it only led to me feeling worse. Trust your health professionals and try not to be a hypochondriac like I was. Good ol' Dr Google huh?

It is great that you are visiting your GP and I think that is a great first step to addressing your issue. He will be able to assist you with your concerns and possibly refer you to a psychiatrist or provide you with a mental health plan and explore the possibility of seeing a psychologist.

Hope this helps.

Look forward to hearing back from you shortly.

All the best,

Nick.

[LilKiwi]

Thanks Nick.

I’ve been good about googling my symptoms. It use to consume me but now it’s gone down to maybe searching something once or twice a day. I go to the GP tomorrow so I’m gonna get the full rundown and make sure there is nothing wrong with me. It scares me but I gotta do it.

I’ll also be checking my progress with my infection and antibiotics. I hope to be back to my normal self by the end of next week.

These two weeks have been nightmareish and I hate it.

Not being able to sleep has really done a number on me. I’m starting to think I’ve actually hurt my neck? Which is why sleeping is uncomfortable for me. 🤔

[baet123]

Hey LilKiwi,

I think going to the GP tomorrow and getting some reassurance from him will do you wonders. May I ask if you sleep on your back or on your side? I know myself and a lot of other people who experience next pain for a week at a time if I sleep incorrectly. This could be something that is causing your neck pain. Stress and anxiety also can lead to neck pain and overall body pain due to muscles contracting when your body is under stress.

All the best for tomorrow,

Nick.

[LilKiwi]

I usually fall asleep on side but I’m always tossing and turning plus sleeping on my back can sometimes give me sleep paralysis.

[baet123]

Hey Kiwi,

Just try for a few nights in a row to sleep on your back and see whether this has any affect on your neck pain/discomfort. Also, make sure your neck is fairly horizontal and that your pillow or the way your sleeping isn't putting extra strain on your fragile/vulnerable neck muscles.

Anxiety/stress-induced neck pain is something worth mentioning to your GP. He is a professional and I am not so I won't offer advice about that but your GP can definitely help you with your queries. Your neck pain quite possibly can be related/triggered and worsened by psychological or emotional factors.

Hope this helped.

Good luck Kiwi.

Nick

[LilKiwi]

Hi, back with an update. Went to the doctor and spoke about the neck and sleeping problems, he didn’t seem to taken by from it. Told me I was a “pretty healthy 24 year old who has been having a rough couple of weeks from being sick.” And then prescribed me some ointment for the bump on my head.

I told myself walking out of the doctors office that my mind should be cleared and I should be fine. No health problems. But I still can’t sleep right.

I woke up this morning with my heart racing and my right arm numb. It’s like when my brain notices something that isn’t right, it wakes me up.

I’ve been dealing with this for so long now, it’s made me extremely hypersensitive that I can’t even lay down for a good night’s rest.