Going into meldown over relationship breakdown

[High_Anxiety]

My wife has told me she wants to split with me and I'm having what feels to me severe panic attacks!!

My greatest fear is rejection and the one I love the most is doing it to me right now.

I can't sleep, don't want to eat, feel sick and have body tremours.

I'm supposed to be going back to work tomorrow as I have to kick off a big project and I fear I'll be disfunctional.

This is the worst feeling I have ever felt!!!!

HA

[geoff]

hello High Anxiety, I know how this feels, your heart has been pulled out, and the feeling of now being alone is something no one can describe and I'm truly sorry for you.
Something has finally made her decide to do this, unfortunately I don't know the circumstances and don't necessarily need to know, but has this been building for quite awhile, because with me it slowly built up to where she didn't want me anymore, and there was no way I could change her mind because I was still depressed and she couldn't find a way to help me.
I would like to know some more so that we can help you over this terrible patch, but I certainly hope that you will book an appointment with your doctor today, and tell the receptionist that it's urgent.
Contact work and see if this project can be put off for a couple of days, however there are some good and bad points by doing this, the bad being that after a couple of days you may feel worse, and the good is that you can get it over and done with, that's decision you need to make, but please reply back to us. Geoff.

[High_Anxiety]

Thanks Geoff,

Yes it's the same for me, this has been building for a while and we have had similar conversation in the past, she is the type of person who bottles up here feelings and lets them build but in the past once she exploded and we talked it's like she got it off her chest and we would agree that we would work on it but then we both failed to change any of our patterns and routines. So this time she has said that she is sticking to her guns.

I have discovered some of the things that I do to annoy/upset her may be coming from a general anxiety from pressure and worry that I put onto myself, mainly around money ( because I want to be a good provider ).

The other area that I have fallen down in is in the bedroom, because I intuitively knew that our connection was being lost I would tell her that I would like to make love more often because I thought that would help us be connected, and it became awkward because I would always wait for her to initate to be certain that I wasn't always pushing for it and I would sulk if it didn't happen. I knew I was doing this and hated that I was but somehow couldn't change what I was doing. All this would then feed into my anxiety.

Also on her side of the fence is a lot of guilt from the fact that she is a very sociable person and would put all her social functions and friends before me, this in turn made her feel guilty for constantly being out and leaving me home with the kids. And she now feels like she doesn't want to have the responsability of having to consider for someone else in her life.

I'm asking her to not write me off just yet until I've addressed a few issues with councelling and have also asked for her to go to councelling together to discover ways we can understand each other better and find better ways of communicating as we both do hold back/bottle to aviod confrontation. From my point of view we are compatible and can live a very happy life we just have a few areas we keep stumbling over and need to fix. But she keeps telling me that we are different people and are not working.

I'm holding on to hope that we can work this out but that's because I'm in denial, but she said that she is done and she is being cruel to be kind.

The work thing can't be changed, it could be a blessing in disguise as it may take my mind off what's happening at home. It's also hard because I'm FIFO.

At this stage I don't know how I can ever let go as the life we have built is my whole world and the thing I'm most proud of

[tap182]

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Peace!