forever feeling lost

[LostPeep]

34, single, female. Have always struggled with social anxiety and depression at times as well as an eating disorder. I put myself through therapy for a few years to overcome the disordered eating. Life feel like a huge struggle every day and it's like I bear the weight of the world on my shoulders. My anxiety gets in the way of getting very far in life particularly to do with my career. I constantly feel lonely and often don't want people to get too close. I find most people annoying in the end. However, really what I crave most is social connection but due to my social anxiety I find it really hard to form and maintain connections therefore those needs are not met. I try to force myself into social situations and do all the right things to improve myself and my situation but I just can't seem to get ahead. Most jobs don't suit me as I get overwhelmed by everything. I can pick things up quickly but as soon as any pressure gets too much I back out so I can nver move up the ladder and earn some decent money. No wonder why I often resort to alcohol and pharmaceuticals to get through life. I don't understand, I've done everything right to not go off the rails - therapy, antidepressants, meditation, yoga, mindfulness, enough exercise, good diet, be a nice person, be grateful. Nothing makes me happy in the end. I feel like the only thing that would make me happy is living by the beach with a partner who loves me and I don't need to worry/think about money.

Rant complete.

[Mark Z.]

Hi LostPeep,

Welcome to the forum. 

I can tell that you've done so much effort, you're so brave. I'm sorry that your situation is still challenging. But But I don't think your efforts are worthless.

I'm not a professional, but I think your disordered eating might have direct or indirect connection with your anxiety. If the anxiety is the root cause, do you want to share if you're seeing a psychologist?

Mark

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear LostPeep,

A very warm and caring welcome to our forums…

I really am so sorry to hear that your struggling a lot with your social anxiety and it’s impacting your work and life the way it is….

I am just wondering if joining a social group, firstly that holds an interest in something you like doing….like a hobby or something that you find you like to learn more about…this way hopefully your anxiety will be held back a bit because your mind and thoughts are on what you joined the group for…your hobby or interests….the other group members also being passionate about the same things will give you things to talk about….

I spent many months not going out of my home due to my anxiety….and do in a way can relate to how your feeling….and it awfully hard to get past it….I know you’ve been to therapy for your eating disorder, I’m wondering if you might consider going back into therapy/counselling for your anxiety…

We are all here for you if you feel like talking…and we will try our best to support in the best we can…

Thinking of you with kindness and care….

Grandy.