First full-time job

[Timmy-two-hearts]

Hi all,

First of all, thank you for beyond blue for having this place for me and like minded people to vent and find eachother to lean on.

I am 26, have diagnosed anxiety and depression and have recently just got a job offer for my first full-time job. Up until now I have done uni and run my own business(very flexible). But I needed more stable income and I dove right in. Now that I have the job offer I am freaking out. I don't know if I can do this. Work everyday for the rest of my life. The commute (public transport) will be 4 hours a day and work hours are 8.30-5.00.

Then there is the work.. I don't know if I can do it.. new people, new everything. The prospect alone makes me so nervous and break down into tears.

I'm a mess. All types of thoughts are coming back and I don't know if I can do this.

Help

Tim

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Tim,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for joining us!

Sounds like from reading your post you’ve nose dived into a full-time job; something that you don’t feel ready for! I’m wondering though - what is it about the job that is making you freak out? What worries you?

Just from reading your post, I can’t quite tell what it might be that makes you feel like you can’t do this. You’ve done uni; ran your own business; made it passed the interview - all of those things yell to me ‘Tim is capable!’ - so what might be holding you back?

Hopefully if I can hear back from you again I can be a little more helpful!

[Timmy-two-hearts]

Hi Romantic,

I think that my brain has a tendency to sabotage everything good thing that happens to me. Even the way I talk a lot of the time I second guess myself. "Did I explain that right?" or "did that make sense?" when it makes complete sense. I have support that keeps telling me I'm good enough for the job but my brain is telling me to quit before I start.

I struggle with logic when I have a panic attack and nothing makes sense to me. I am just scared to work full time and miss out on time with my loved ones and fear of the unknown scares me a lot too. These things have sent me into panic attack after panic attack over the past week (since finding out about the job).

I really hope this helps shed a little light

Thank you,

Tim

[therising]

Hi Tim

I understand your anxiety. After 16 years of staying home and raising kids, I have just re-entered the workforce and it challenges me mentally ('Can I do this? Am I going to mess up? etc). Letting go of taking care of a lot of the familiar things can be a bit of a downer too, a little bit of a grieving process involved when leaving things behind and entering into a new stage of life.

I keep telling myself 'One day at a time!', for we can be overwhelmed with the overall 'What ifs'. Much of the time those what ifs don't actually happen - instead, we end up surprising our self with our abilities. If only we had a crystal ball and could see ourselves in a year's time, being glad we made a change.

Often, the discomfort does not come from the unfamiliar so much as it comes from a call to face changing our identity and what goes along with that. We have to be careful with how we use that 'I AM' when it comes to how we redefine our self. 'I am Tim, someone who now takes things one day at a time when it comes to proving my ability to myself' is a good start, regarding your new identity. After a week's work you may become Tim, the man who decides this job is not for him (and that too is okay).

We can become just about anyone we want to become as long as we maintain faith in our ability to do so and as long as we have some sort of management plan in mind. Our brain will constantly seek proof our abilities so give it proof as much as possible wherever you can (otherwise it becomes anxious).

Take care Tim and I wish you good fortune on your new path.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Tim,

Thanks for your post. Yes that makes sense! Thank you for clarifying it to help me understand.

It’s completely natural and normal to be having these thoughts and worries about the job (and things in general!). I’m not sure if you’ve spoken to people about anxiety before (like a counsellor), but it’s intention is always to help you. Anxiety can be like a beast that wants you to be the best, act the best, and never fail!

Of course, none of that is realistic - so it just keeps going and going.

There are a few different ways to quieten it down even though we can’t get rid of it completely -

- Have a think and brainstorm about the things that have gone well. Where are the times where you felt like you haven’t self sabotaged? Where are the times where you did explain things right, or you did make sense?

- See if you can find the evidence for the times where you might have screwed up. Often anxiety likes to make up stories; but if we fact check them (kind of like a judge) it’s really easy to see how flawed they can be.

- See if you can work on a week to week basis or a day to day basis or an hour to hour basis! Right now, your focus can be on getting ready to work. Then, your focus can be on learning the role and meeting the people. While working for the first time full-time is a big deal, (I totally get that) it isn’t a life decision and you aren’t locked in to any future. If theres one thing that I know for sure it’s that life is always full of change. Even though change can be scary and confronting, it’s also something you’ve been able to do non-stop for 26 years.

I hope this helps!