Feels too overwhelming

[Hayden]

I’m living through healing at the moment. A week ago I made a plan to end my life. Since then I have been on meds, off from work, seeing a therapist and trying day by day to improve. It’s a long journey and I have found mornings my challenge. I feel like the day full of responsibilities hit me all at once. I’m still not eating due to the anxiety and possibly meds. It’s like running on pure adrenaline at times. I wake at 3/4am and just lay there quieting the intrinsic thought in my head. I have improved since a week ago and know that it takes time, especially with medication to take effect, but I thought again of suicide this morning. It’s like every step forward I tell myself it’s two steps back for even considering it. I keep going. 

[Picture]

It sounds like you are on the path to recovery Hayden.

I have recently gone to the GP to get medication for sleep and also adrenaline/anxiety (would it be worth another visit?).

Yes, I can understand not eating due to anxiety. Trying for 3 small meals a day could help - I find I can still snack on things like carrots, apples when stressed and anxious. Would it help to go to a cafe near home once a day or make quick things like sandwiches? 
I can understand suicide can seem like the way to escape the overwhelm but  these are temporary feelings and they will improve. 
Remember you can always call the crisis lines if you need to talk.

Trying to do one thing you enjoy each day can also help. 

Great news about engaging with a therapist. I find my psychologist helpful.
Also when times are hard I think it is good to try to focus on the present rather than the past or future if possible. 

Keep going, you are making progress. 

[therising]

Hi Hayden

I think there are a lot of people out there who assume we just live life and it's as simple as that. It's a whole different story when circumstances lead us to consider 'I don't know how to live anymore'. It's definitely not easy or straight forward at times. I'm glad to hear you've found a guide and coming here is also part of the plan. There are some things I believe we're just not meant to navigate alone. Figuring out how to live can be one of those things. 

As a 55yo gal it took me literally decades to finally reach the conclusion that when a certain monumental challenge or set of monumental challenges come up that I've never been prepared for or given skills in managing, I'm not going to automatically know how to manage. Took a while but I learned not to be so hard on myself. I have to learn how to manage, learn how to live under the circumstances, learn how to develop skills and learn how to develop a level of self understanding that's going to lead me to think at times 'No wonder I'm struggling. Through this new revelation and level of self understanding, it makes complete sense'.

Personally, I'd say one of the most important abilities to develop is a sense of wonder. Wonder is what opens the mind. For example, I could say 'I'm hopeless. I'm never going to make sense of the challenges I face' or I could wonder 'Why do I feel a sense of hopelessness? Is no one around me leading me to feel what hope feels like? Why am I struggling to make sense of the challenges I face? Am I not speaking to the right people who can lead me to much needed revelations? Am I not considering what I'm meant to be considering? Am I on the wrong track when it comes to the best way forward?' and so on. Massive challenges call for a heck of a lot of wondering and questioning. Finding the right people to wonder with us means we're not left wondering alone, jumping to the wrong stressful and/or depressing conclusions.

Making greater sense of our complex emotions can also be a first time challenge, no matter our age. Can take years before we're pushed or finally forced to do it. This can be a massive challenge and we must be kind and patient toward ourself in the process. I've found it can pay to be fascinated by my emotions, no matter what they are, as opposed to judging myself harshly when it comes to how I'm feeling everything inside of me and outside of me.

While there may be moments where you don't know how to live, that's okay. You're learning and, in the process, you may feel tested in certain ways. Not easy to be a student of life, that's for sure. It can be absolutely brutal at times. Be proud of yourself when it comes to the moments where you can feel yourself graduating, raising yourself. Lessons will come, tests will come and graduations will come. Cycles may naturally come, in regard to cycling through the process of raising yourself. You've got this 🙂👍

[ViolettaZ]

Hey Hayden,

Thank you so much for opening up and sharing with us. It really sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot at the moment, and I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all of this.

On top of that picture’s comments, when your emotions are not as intense, you might consider writing down immediate-support hotline numbers, like Beyond Blue or Lifeline, on a sticky note and placing it somewhere you can easily see it. This way, you can reach out quickly when you need someone to talk to. Another very valuable option would be to talk to someone you trust (eg., your closest friend), or even just step outside for a short walk instead of staying home alone. These small things can make a positive difference if you are feeling overcome by negative thoughts.

If the anxiety becomes overwhelming, you might try small, simple exercises that you can do at home, like high-knees, wall push-ups, or anything gentle and short. I know it can be incredibly difficult to start, but even a tiny amount of movement can pull your attention away from anxious thoughts. It works almost like a shortcut meditation; your brain temporarily pauses the cycle of anxiety.

I’m not sure what medication you’re currently taking, but anxiety itself can definitely reduce appetite. When anxiety triggers the body's “fight-or-flight” response, the brain focuses on survival, which means hunger and digestion are put aside.

What I personally do for my anxiety is to see food as energy rather than a “meal.” Sometimes I eat very small portions several times a day. That way, I still get nutrition without overwhelming my stomach. You can also experiment with different types of foods, some foods may more appealing for you.

I know it takes a lot of courage to reach out. Please know that we are always happy to hear from you, no matter your circumstance🤗

Warm regards,

ViolettaZ