Feeling Overwhelmed

[Solique]

Hey everyone,

Before I begin this thread I’ll quickly give a brief background of who I am: I am a 20-something year old female. I obtained my Bachelor in Counselling in 2016 and have a loving partner and family. I suffer with social anxiety, depersonalisation, depression and BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). I have also been diagnosed as infertile.

Since leaving my previous casual job, I have been searching for something in the stream of my bachelor certificate (counselling, social work, case managing etc.) but I have failed to find any work because of my anxiety (and the lack of experience apparently). My anxiety is worsening and right now, I don’t even know if I can commit to a job. A career seems far-fetched for me at the moment (thanks anxiety).

To be fair, I have never really been career-focused. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mum (partly blaming my anxiety but it is also something I’ve always wanted) but as I mentioned previously, I have been diagnosed as infertile and the possibility of children anytime soon is unlikely (waiting for an appointment with my OBGYN to discuss IVF).

I am feeling extremely overwhelmed by every thing. In a nutshell, life is always about either a career or having a family, right? But I can’t achieve either of these. So, what am I really worth? I feel like I don’t have a place here on Earth and that I am a pathetic excuse for a human being.

I’ve tried to get into volunteering but unfortunately I can’t find anything of interest just yet. I’ve tried to keep up with my interests outside of work (writing, photography) but I lose interest very fast.

I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed. I don’t really know what to do.

[Jackson85]

Hi Solique,

I love photography too! (though I'm a terrible writer).

Thanks for sharing your story, it sounds like you're having trouble finding meaning outside of those big things we're "meant" to do with our lives.

For me, we have to have those ideas growing up, because they give our future shape, and make it seem more predictable and less scary, and they help us develop and study hard and look forward to the future. But now that I'm a little bit older, it seems like those big things, like a career or being a parent, are just two of the pathways in pursuit of happiness and enjoying ourselves. We need satisfaction, contentment, connection, purpose, and growth, and we can get these feelings from anywhere, but commonly people turn to their work (because we need to work to make money anyway, so may as well find some purpose in it; or some people just genuinely love their work), or they find that purpose and connection through raising children. In my opinion, while they're two common pathways, there are plenty of other ways of gaining those things we really want out of life. When I get a great photo, and share it with my 20 instagram followers, I just feel great. I'll now have that photo forever, in fact I just printed and hung one of my photos for the first time. I get satisfaction from it, I feel I gave my little follower-base a nice picture to see, I feel connected with the landscape which inspired the image, and my wife who was there sharing the memory, and now I feel connected with it as it hangs in my living room. The goal of life isn't to have a career, or to have a family, it's to find those sources of joy and connection and purpose, and those two are just common options for trying to find that stuff. It's also worth saying that there are PLENTY of people who have a career they hate, and a family that makes them miserable!

I gave up my career in engineering to study counselling as well, because I don't need a career, I just like to feel happy when I help others with their worries, and the money keeps life ticking over.

Feel free to chat more, and I never want to hear that you are pathetic again, because your place is here on earth, with me and the rest of us. None of us have any clue what we're doing, but we're just having a go and working it out as we go along 🙂

Hang in there,

Jackson85