Feeling overwhelmed

Byltim · ‎25-07-2016

Hi all, im kind of new to this kind of thing but im hoping it will help in some way. Im 29 and i suffer from GAD with a few other things thrown in (depression, PTSD, OCD. In the past 5 years specifically i feel like i am just keeping my head above water. I lost my son in 2011, my dad in 2013 and my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer in 2014 and has approximately 6 months to live. My life seems to have fallen apart. I have a gambling problem, i am not able to have anymore children, i did have the best job in the world but have lost interest in everything. I even lost interest in my art which used to be my out time. My childhood was full of crummy happenings and i have never been one to dwell too much on that. But some of the past happenings have resurfaced and are affecting me and the way i do things. I am suffering at the moment from serious insomnia. I am scared that something is going to happen and i will lose everything. My daughter, the things ive worked hard to get. Its just overwhelming. Everytime i go to a counsellor i cant even get through the newest issues to get to the older ones without some other major horrible thing happening. I am a strong person... but i feel like everything is starting to crumble.

White_Rose · ‎25-07-2016

Dear Byltim

Hello, welcome to the forum. What a lot of tragedy you have had in your life. I am so sorry and I can understand why you are so down. May I ask if you have a partner? I gather you have a daughter, are there any other children?

I don't wonder that you feel as though you are crumbling, especially when you talk about these very painful subjects. Have you been going to a counsellor for very long? I'm guessing you do not find this very helpful and I wonder if you are seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist. Not that it matters much, but they do work in very different ways to each other and perhaps a psychologist is best suited to your needs at the moment.

Are you continuing to work? Although you have lost motivation about your job it's good if you continue to do. Do the people you work with know about your tragedies? I wonder if you get any support from them. It is important to have a wide circle of support people in your life now. What about your siblings?

Sorry to start with a heap of questions. I presume you talk regularly to your GP. They can be such wonderful supports. I can understand the attraction of gambling as a way of forgetting the hurts in your life for a short time but you obviously know it's not the best thing.

Every time i go to a counsellor i cant even get through the newest issues to get to the older ones without some other major horrible thing happening. That sounds as though you have seen several counsellors. Is this correct? And if so why? You need to see the same person every time otherwise you will not get past this stage.

Can you write in again and tell us about these things.

I am really sad for you enduring these losses and I want to help you as much as possible.

Mary

Byltim · ‎25-07-2016

Hi Mary, thankyou for answering me. I dont have a partner. My daughters father was physically abusive and addicted to drugs and alcohol and suffered from schizophrenia i left him a week prior to my daughters due date.

I have had 2 serious relationships in the 11 years since my daughter was born. My last was with my sons father. A month after losing our son i discovered he had been having an affair with another girl who had even come to our sons funeral. We tried to make things work but it he did it twice more after that and i dont even look to meet anyone new anymore. I only have my daughter no other children. At the beginning of this year things were looking promising for me to attempt IVF through accessing my super, however i work for the government and they dont allow any exceptions to access super early. So my dream was gone. I have adenomyosis and possible PCOS as well as a large fibroid. I was seeing a counsellor but i find it hard to get anywhere with them. Im not sure if i can afford to see a psychiatrist or psychologist. As for work i am still working i loved my job it was something i really enjoyed. A few months ago my workplace underwent a major change and i was uprooted from my work site and split from staff i had worked with and well with for years. Everyone is scared for their jobs which is making everybody untrusting. After that i was injured at work resulting in a concussion. I asked not to go back there but now i am limited in my options unless i take a cut to my hours and work at a site that will make me very unhappy. The people i work with are aware of the past 5 years and were a good support. The people i originally worked with were like family so when they completely upended our work site we were all crushed. The first counsellor i saw after my son was great... she moved to wa. My second counsellor i saw constantly cancelled my appointments and the last i saw told me i needed to stop grieving year round and try to keep it to the anniversary times for my son... which actually helped... however at the time i didnt see it that way and stopped.

Im at the point now that i just dont know how i got here and how to get back to enjoying my life. Sorry for the long answer.

White_Rose · ‎27-07-2016

Dear Byltim

Thanks for your reply. No need to apologise ever. This is what BB is here for, to listen, or rather, read the things you want to talk about. You have had a rough time of it for many years and had to rely on yourself which is always hard. So many losses are hard to bear.

This will be a short post but I will write a bit more later on. Have you checked the fees of a suitable psychiatrist? It would be worthwhile to ask your doctor about a referral to a psychiatrist and get a couple of names. These fees can be claimed through Medicare. What you need to know is the 'gap' payment. You can also get Medicare subsidised visits to a psychologist via a mental health plan. Again, chat to your doctor. The psychologist visits are limited to ten in each calendar year, so you could have ten this year, basically taking you to the end of the year and start again in January.

This is something to consider. Will talk later.

Mary

Byltim · ‎02-08-2016

I am seeing my doctor on Friday and will hopefully have a good outcome regarding a psychiatrist. This morning i had a panic attack so bad i nearly asked my daughter to call an ambulance. I was cold and i was sweating i had a horrible buzzing noise in my ears and wound up being sick. Ive never had a panic attack so bad before. I knew what was happening but i had no idea how to stop it.

White_Rose · ‎02-08-2016

Hello Byltim

Sorry to hear about the panic attack. They are truly horrible. It's good you had your daughter with you. Even if that person cannot do anything there is some comfort in not being alone. If you feel that bad then call an ambulance. At the very least the hospital can give you something to help you calm down. I have done this couple of times. Yes I feel foolish afterwards but I have been on my own and it can get very scary. It would be good to talk to your doctor about the panic attack and ask what to do if there is a next time.

If you are a public servant then your dept will have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) where you can get free counselling. These visits are limited but may be useful.

Are you a member of a trade union? They may be able to help you obtain a better work placement. Also discuss this with your doctor and psych if you see one. Putting you into a work area you find uncomfortable is not productive for the agency. Many years ago when I became depressed I saw a psychiatrist who wanted me to take sick leave. The thought of being on my own all day was horrendous so the psych agreed to me working four hours a day. My boss was furious because he couldn't replace me full time and it was too complicated to have someone part time. He did make life difficult for me but he could not argue with the psych and had to accept it.

So find the people who can support you and enlist their aid. In the end I went to my director and complained about the manager's harassment and he was told to stop. Perhaps not the best way to win friends and influence people but I was in a bad place and needed to feel safe. I imagine you also want to feel safe in your workplace so it is worthwhile fighting for.

I presume your doctor knows about the other counsellors, so hopefully she/he will be able to refer you to someone suited to your needs. Not always an easy task but GPs tend to keep an eye on specialists and know which are the good ones. At least that's what my GP does.

When you have such a huge load of 'stuff' to talk about it will take time to get through it all. Dealing with it will take longer. Not trying to scare you, just let you know you cannot go through this quickly. I would like to suggest you write a kind of timeline about the major events in your life. Start with your childhood and put the year or years when something unpleasant was happening and work your way forward. Both your psych and doctor will appreciate this. Out of words.

Mary