Feeling overwhelmed by life - anxiety, parenting, grief,

[pvroom]

I'm a mum to two young boys, married, mid-30s and a student. I had a long career before kids but my oldest has special needs and I have not gone back to a paid job (yet!). I study because my brain is too active to be 'just a mum'. Motherhood has been wonderful but difficult for me. I have basically no family support.

Without going into my entire life story which would take years to write, I am really struggling at the moment with feeling overwhelmed by life. Whether it's paperwork for my boys' various medical conditions and developmental issues, or cleaning, cooking, housework etc. It's a lot to do and not enough time to do it. I'm a perfectionist unfortunately and so I obviously have this internal pressure to do it all, and do it now! It's exhausting. I'm self-aware enough to recognise this, but obviously, it's easy to say things but harder to do them.

I see a psychologist but there is never enough time to talk about all the different issues in my life and work through things. There is not enough support for people financially who need it - I can't do anything beyond what Medicare (in Australia) gives me.

Anyway, I'm hoping to just have another place to be able to talk through these feelings.

I have posted in the relationships / family forum before about my marriage which is still in place but still rocky.

[PamelaR]

Hi Pvroom

I've read a couple of your posts to others. Thank you! It is great to see. Sorry to hear you are feeling overwhelmed at the moment. Understandable though I think -

From the very little I've read in your other posts, you have a hard time of it, but manage your life very well. I'm pleased you're here and glad you've found a way to talk through your feelings. Another way of doing this is through journalling if you haven't already tried this. That was the way i did it for years and years.

Being a perfectionist is a hard life isn't it? Is this something you're working through with your psych? I was one too, still am at times, but it has reduced significantly. It took a long time to be able to shrug when I didn't do as well as I thought I should have. When you are feeling up to it and if you are interested (no pressure), there are guides and workbooks available from various organisations. You can find these by doing a search on google. There is one that I've found particularly useful published by the Centre for Clinical Intervention at the Western Australia University. Module 4 - Changing Perfectionism in the Perfectionism in Perspective Workbook.

My thoughts are (tell me if I'm wrong) - you've been doing a lot of work with your psych and bringing up things that are really painful. Along with that you have your children and one with special needs. That is very hard work and maybe you're being far to hard on yourself. Would that be a fair assessment? Perhaps being kinder to yourself and giving yourself some slack might be a starting point to help relieve some of those feelings of being overwhelmed. What do you think Pvroom? You are a lovely caring person and it is good to see you here on our forums.

You're not alone. Keep reaching out if and when you want to.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[pvroom]

Thank you Pamela - you are very kind. I will look at that publication you mentioned.

I used to be an elite level perfectionist but over the years I've been working on reducing that to just a standard perfectionist, hoping to move to a whole new level of perfectionism - NONE! But it's not easy. It's all wired up to my upbringing and personality, a tangled web.

I definitely need to give myself a break!

[pvroom]

I read over the module Pamela and to be honest, it made me realise how far I've come. My standards are pretty reasonable. One of the examples in the book is about kitchen benches, I've never scrubbed with bleach! HA! I don't have time. I barely manage to wipe them down daily, and the problem isn't that I want them scrubbed with bleach, the problem is I don't have TIME or RESOURCES to meet even a standard expectation. Whether it's time to myself, my appearance or the kitchen - no time or resources. I've just engaged a cleaner but I feel sick at the cost as we really cannot afford it.