Feeling Alone

themadchatter · ‎06-07-2016

Hello all not sure exactly how to start so will just share everything. I'm a 30 year old male comes from a unsupportive and broken family. I am single and unemployed. I used to have a large group of friends but over the past 10 years there have been at least 17 weddings that some I have been invited to and others I have found out later. While they have found partners to marry I had been struggling and as a result the friendships have dissolved because they rarely take the time to hang out anymore and plus it was hard to be around them seeing how they were so happy and I was questioning myself deep inside. I have very little support from parents. One parent doesn't really care about myself and siblings and the other is not able to provide direction and encouragement due to a mental disability. Due to all this I am used to keeping to myself. When I do try to make friends it doesn't go well for me and that just makes me withdraw further away from all that and gets me down. I just don't know what to do anymore

white knight · ‎06-07-2016

Hi, welcome

Well, firstly some of us have natural expectations of parents, in your case that they are interested in you and can support you. However that isn't the case so you simply must not try to draw out of your parents what they are not capable supplying.

Next step, are there other older family members you can consult? Uncles and the like.?

Counselling could be an option. It has been over the years for me. Ask your GP for a reference.

Friends drift especially if you are single and they have a partner. Its a fact. Couples rarely invite a single person for dinner. Sad as it is.

Consider online dating. My daughter met her fiancé that way. The beauty of that method is that you can find someone more compatible by search. It eliminates the ones you would normally waste time with.

Cheers. Tony WK

geoff · ‎06-07-2016

hello, when we try and make friends there are many different ways we can do this, to impress someone, to need a shoulder to lean on, to be too knowledgeable, to be caring, to be friendly and playing low key, to want help someone else, to be put into a position where you have to make friends, like becoming a Captain, need to because of work committments or just because you want to, each one can be successful, while sometimes it maybe difficult to do, but either way you could have to go alone as parents can be in your way or not supportive like yours are, but even if they want to support you their ideas might be 'out of date' and very conservative and not want you want.
If you are having trouble making friends maybe try another approach, as it is possible for anyone to change if they want to or have the need to. Geoff.

themadchatter · ‎10-07-2016

I'm not really close with any uncles or aunties on either side of the family. On my mothers side of the family my mum only had one brother who has not been seen in 22 years and 4 sisters none of which are nearby. And on my Dad's side the same story..not really close to any of them and they live far away. I try to find new friends but it's not easy because I am a reserved type of guy and any people I can be friends with have no interest in making new mates

Music_Freak · ‎10-07-2016

I really feel for you on the making friends front, because I am the same. I have none and not even a job, although I do volunteer, even if this isn't happening due to my illnesses...I'm hoping to restart this week, if I can get everything under control.

I can relate to your lack of support too, my dad couldn't give a stuff about me because I'm not my sister and my mum (who was brilliant when she was free of bipolar demons) died almost 10 years ago. I agree that counselling is a good idea. I'm going to go back to my psychologist after a break. I'm not entirely sure we see eye to eye, but we all need somebody 🙂

themadchatter · ‎12-07-2016

I've made some online friends but they don't live in the same city or state that I do and as good as they are to talk to it sometimes doesn't feel enough. I want someone I can really talk to in person and that is something I don't have. I tried to reach out to an old friend recently asking if he ever comes to the city where I live but he hasn't gotten back to me. One of my online friends who I speak with every day suggested I see the doctor and have a mental health care plan thingy done so I did. He said he would fax the paperwork to some other people but I haven't received any calls yet from anyone regarding counselling