Fear of phone calls

[Daisy129]

I have struggled with social anxiety for many years. Most things I have been able to develop strategies for dealing with but for some reason I just cannot get past my fear of making and answering calls. I find it easier to make calls to strangers when it is structured and I have a clear start and end to the call, but if I have to make a personal call to a family member, close friend or colleague, I really find it tough. When my phone rings, my heart races and I get really hot in the face, I just don't want to answer it. When I have to make a call it will often take days and repeated attempts and lots of worry in between. When I manage to make or take a call, I squirm all the way through, trying to be polite but honestly cannot wait to hang up. Just wondered if anyone else has this? Are there good ways of dealing with this or is it just best to avoid phone calls and communicate in other ways??

[Guest_1584]

l've had the same a lotta years myself and l can hear all the specifics you talk about.

l even run my business via text but l cna't have customers just call me and when the try l won't answer. l givem 5 and usually they'll follow with a text and hopefully details of what they wanna know, then l can just text back answers.

But l can't really just answer the phone to anyone else either, even dread the thought of most family members and l've trained them to just text me too.

lf l've got warning and l know l'm comfortable with the person calling , l'm fine, we'll probably even have a great chat , but there's only 2 or 3 people like that .

Sometimes texting goes on too much with a customer too and so every now and then l will have to take a call to just put an end to it and sort it out , but l always worry l'll freeze on the spot and l have a few times too.

lt's always amazed me the way so many people just live day in and out with their phone glued to their head and answering it all day long no matter what they're doing.

l dunno how they can even think , my head would pop.

[kstubbsie]

It's nice to know I'm not alone with this! If I see a call from a number I don't know I will hesitate for so long before answering or just not answer at all. Making calls is even worse usually, unless it's something straightforward like making appointments, probably because, like Shelley Anne said, they aren't social calls and they have a very clear 'structure'. What I don't like is not knowing where the call is going to lead me because I hate being caught out not knowing what to say. I used to write out scripts and potential directions the call would go so I would always have a reply ready.

I'm actually much better at phone calls now though. I talked with a therapist about this issue and she gave me the task of making one phone call each week and noting down how I felt before and after each call. It could be to whoever and for whatever reason and I could hang up at any time that I felt uncomfortable. For example, one week I called a gym to ask about their membership programs even though I had no plan on signing up, another week it was an art supply store asking about their products, etc. I really found this helpful because it gave me practice with people that I knew I would never need to speak to again so there was no lasting judgement.

[Birdy77]

Hi Daisy and everyone,

I'm with you!

When my phone rings, my heart starts racing ... i don't know if it's because i expect bad news or what it is, but i hate the phone ringing and if i can text or email rather than have a convo i usually will.

I have this pin on pinterest that says:

Sorry, i don't answer private numbers ...

Or numbers that i don't know ...

Or anyone, ever.

Also, don't call me.

😂 i dont have any constructive advice, but it's nice not to feel alone.

🌻birdy

[Neferata]

Dear Daisy,

It never ceases to appall me that we still insist on phone calls, my personal philosophy is: if it's important send me an email.

Although it is not entirely polite, if I do happen to answer a number I do not recognise I do not begin with "hello" instead I go for "yes" hoping it gives the allusion that I want this call to be to the point and extremely brief.

Like you and others I have no problem interacting with people in person and I cannot fathom the mind of a person who wants to have a phone conversation. Meet with me or message me!

[4thought]

Daisy, So interested to read your comments.

I am in my late 60's, also a social and phone phobic. Make very few phone calls as a result. Business ones easier than family and friends.

Can only say that I am greatful to the modern age for social media, as utilizing these, I can comfortably keep in contact with friends and family. I don't try and analyse it these days. I know fear of rejection is involved 😕.The mind is complex.

Was comforted and amused when a dear Aunt of mine said "I hate the phone". Are, a sole mate, thought I.😉

[Daisy129]

Wow, this has been really helpful, thank you all for sharing your stories!

It is good to know it is normal for some of us...

I have been having a particularly hard time with this lately because there has been a lot of conflict in my family in recent years and some of my family members are getting quite upset with me about not being able to talk on the phone. They almost seem to think I am making it up for attention but the more upset they get with me, the harder it is to speak to them on the phone.

I cannot do video calls either, they create an extra level of stress for me.

I too am so relieved there are other forms of communication these days.

Birdy - I love your quotes from pinterest, that is exactly how I feel 🙂

Kstubbsy - I love that idea about trying one call a week... unfortunately I have had a few bad experiences with the phone which kind of negatively reinforced my anxieties when I tried this, but hopefully I will be brave enough to give it another go once I'm feeling a bit stronger, it worked with some of my other social phobias 🙂

Not being able to use the phone has had a big impact in a few areas so I will hopefully be able to partially overcome this at some stage...

I really feel for all of you who share this awful phobia, and again thanks for your support 🙂

[LucyRose]

Dear Daisy and other phonephobics

i have suffered from this for years and thought I was the only one also ,,,and it has isolated me greatly.

When the phone rings and its private or family or friends ,i won't answer ,my heart races and I get the sweats.

I finally get the courage to either call them back after a long while, or text instead, which is my preferred way of communicating ,along with emails.

Ive spoken to my mental health worker about this and found its part of my bipolar/anxiety/PTSD. I think because I've been treated badly in my past i want to be left alone. She suggested I try to reach out to family/ friends at least once a week to stay connected.

And I try make all my calls when I'm out such as at a cafe or somewhere nice to sit i think being at home doesn't help as I'm pretty depressed most of the time here thus don't want to be social.

Thankyou for bringing this topic up as it's such a problem

Hope all these ideas from everyone help

[Diegonnna]

I think you would like to overcome this condition. This is a common problem. It once interested me and I found this website https://verv.com/5-effective-strategies-to-overcome-phone-phobia/ in search of information. They explain well how to deal with this condition and gain confidence quickly. I think this is important and will be of no interest to many.

[44Max44]

I've had social anxiety for as long as I can remember, I used to pass it off as just being 'shy' but it's obvious that isn't the case.

I find what works best for me is exposure, as in getting out there and socializing. I know this sounds like torture and like it'd be almost impossible to do, but what I'd recommend doing is starting off by socializing with 1 friend, then bump that up to two, and so on.

Phone calls, in particular, I used to dread, I'd see my phone ringing and purposely miss the call just so I didn't have to talk, or if I had to call someone to make an appointment I'd either make my Mum call or just wouldn't do it at all.
Nowadays I don't really care all that much about making calls, because I realize that even if I was being super awkward or something over the phone, it doesn't really matter. They can't see me, and they don't know who I am, that's why prank calls are such a big thing because it's so easy to get away with.


All the best,

Max

[quirkywords]

Welcome Lucyrose, Diegonna and 4thought to the forum .

Lucyrose, thanks for sharing your stirs and suggestions with others and I am sure it helped others.

Diegonna, Thanks for sharing the link and I will check it out. sometimes we think we are the on,y one but then realise others feel the same way too.

Max thank you for sharing your story and now you overcame your fear of making calls.

if you ring a stranger they may not know who you are but when I am ringing someone I know or someone who knows me or my name , I sometimes procrastinate.

Thanks Diegonna for reviving this thread as I know it is something that concerns many people.

Quirky