Hi EW,
Welcome. It's a positive step to share your story and reach out for support, and I'm glad you've chosen to do it here.
I wanted to share my experience of meeting my current partner. We met on the internet. Before we met we had never actually spoken to one another, only emails and texts. This was fine for me and a lot easier with my anxiety. So the evening of our first date, I got home from work and I was absolutely freaking out. I was ready to pull out because nothing was helping to calm me down. I decided to try some meditation, so laid down on my couch. I ended up falling asleep and woke up with 10 minutes to get ready and be at the chosen venue. The night ended up a huge success, and we've been together since.
Ok, so that was just to get you laughing:)
Your anxiety sounds like it has a real grip on you and is limiting your choices in life. I can completely relate to this. You mentioned that the Benzo's don't work and you've now been prescribed antidepressant. Have you ever been prescribed an antipsychotic? These tend to help more with stabilising your mood & reducing anxiousness.
It mustn't be pleasant to feel nauseous when you are participating in activities that make you nervous. There are ways to get over anxiety but you really need to commit to them as lifestyle choices rather than quick fixes.
Some of the things I've found helpful are:
Mindfulness - google this, it's a really effective way to minimise future thinking
Meditation - My favourite is 8 minutes to calm on youtube. I use it all the time, and guided muscle relaxation helps your body relearn the difference between relaxing and tensing
Gradual Exposure Therapy - This is usually done with a Psychologist, it's about gently exposing yourself to the things which make you anxious
A Self Soothing Kit - I have one at home and keep one in my bag. You can fill these with anything you find that distracts you or helps you self soothe. Mine contains a stress ball, a picture of my partner, a teabag, chocolate, a piece of fabric, an affirmation etc
Opposite Actions - This involves doing the exact opposite of what your mind is telling you to do. ie stay home rather than risk going out ; you want to go out. This helps to build new neural pathways in the brain, whereas staying home just deepens the already existent pathway, reinforcing your bodies response to going out.
I hope some of these are helpful. I'd strongly suggest seeing a Psychiatrist to review your medications as well.
AGrace
