Fear of death

[Nickers80]

This is my first time using this forum and I’m not sure what to expect but thought it was worth a try.

I have always had a fear of death and as I get older (mid 40s) it seems to be worsening. It’s something I think about most days and it terrifies me. I feel like it impacts my life as it brings my mood right down and makes me quite anxious and nervous about things.

i can’t really explain why I have that fear and as a health professional I have been around a lot of death and that doesn’t bother me but the thought that in the blink of an eye I could be gone and there is nothing makes me feel sick with fear. I cannot comprehend that life continues once someone dies but they don’t. That I have loved half of my life already. I don’t know how to manage it.

[Daydreamer70]

Hi there, 

Thank you for writing in, this experience you are having I believe is quite common to have. For me I've realised its about the uncontrollable and unpredictable nature of death. Thats what breeds the anxiety and nerves for me. I dont have any real advice on how to actually manage it, but what I will say is you are certainly not alone. I sometimes remind myself of the harsh but somewhat comforting reality that death is one of the only certainties we have in this life. Everything else we cannot truely predict. We enter and leave this world, and there is not a single person who will be able to give us an answer on what comes after. We are all in the same boat. This might not be helpful at all but it brings some solace to me when I start to spiral. That I'm not alone. I also try to use it as motivation to enjoy life NOW as much as possible but it wont always be here in the way I know it currently. 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Feel free to write more if you would like, I am interested to here update/any tipes you discover overtime for dealing with these fears 🙂

- Daydreamer

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Nickers80,

I think most people fear death but as Daydreamer70 said, it’s a certainty in everyone’s life and cannot be avoided….recently I got diagnosed with a terminal medical condition no one knows how long until the illness takes me, could be a year, 2,3,4 years, but I do know I am not going to take away precious time by worrying about it.….I am trying to live each day the best way I can to enjoy myself….I am 70 so I’ve lived most of my life now…

Nickers, by worrying about something that you have no control over is taking away precious days that you’re meant to be living fully,  Please try hard to live each second that you’ve been blessed with….even though it’s hard to understand and accept, death unfortunately is a natural thing, that we shouldn’t think about while we are alive and relatively healthy…

I believe in God and believe that after we pass from this world another world awaits us (heaven) if we’re good and kind people….A little story I would like to share with you…and this is the honest truth…

My husband passed 14 years this year, my children and I went to see him just hours after he passed and when I was talking* to him, the sheet covering him umm I suppose the best way to describe it jumped up slightly just after I said my final goodbyes….that night at home with my adult children a picture from the wall fell of…it was a picture of a lighthouse, we always said that our spirits would meet at a lighthouse we went to very often…In my heart I believe he made it to the lighthouse and is waiting for me there…a couple of days before he passed he had his head turned towards the back wall to the right of his hospital bed and was listening to, idk what or who but also answering the wall as well…..Im not trying to sway you towards any religion, just wanted to tell you what I witnessed….

I live alone with my 2 dogs in a tiny village in the country, I don’t fear death, I fear not being found for days after my passing….

While you are living in this beautiful world, enjoy yourself as best you can…sit outside in nature and unwind to nature’s  soothing music, (birds whistling, gentle breeze, the warm sun on your body)…Im doing that right now, while chatting to you….and it is so peaceful…

Please Dear Nickers80, don’t let worrying or the fear of something that we don’t have control over, take away from you the beautiful day you are living….try to live in the moment, the present time…

My kindest thoughts,

Grandy..

[audiology]

It's funny how our bodies and minds word - sometimes constant exposure to a thing can lead us to developing irrational fears to them. Sounds like potentially a bit of a break could be in order if possible?

[therising]

Hi Nickers80

The reason behind our fear of death is a perfectly valid thing to wonder about. Wondering about it in a really constructive way which reveals the reason/s is a challenge. Changing the way we see it or imagine it can be another challenging factor. I feel so much for you as you begin to seriously wonder, as opposed to basically wondering.

Completely understandable to fear dying in certain ways. We all definitely have our own individual fears there, that's for sure. What if we were to imagine we don't die in any of those ways. Personally, I like to imagine I go when I'm ready. I think of my dad who said to me some time ago 'You know, I'd be happy to go peacefully in my sleep. I've lived the life I wanted to and there's nothing else I really want to do. I'm ready to go'. At 91, he's still here. I think part of him being ready comes down to what Grandy points to, what we choose to believe in or imagine. Being of the Catholic faith, my dad has faith that there's something beyond this life. While I don't personally follow any religion, I also have faith that there's more to our existence than our time here on earth. Whether there is or not doesn't matter. What matters is what I imagine. We tend to feel what we imagine. If I imagine the fear of nothingness, I will feel the fear of nothingness. If I imagine the joy of something beyond this world (such as that spoken about by people who've had near death experiences or NDEs), I can feel a sense of joy. Again, whether there is something beyond is another story. Sometimes there is no harm in imagining, quite the opposite. There can be great relief found and felt in what we choose to imagine. Btw, with my mum having passed last May, if I didn't choose to imagine her presence in some way, I'd become deeply depressed. So, why would I not imagine her presence? Sometimes our emotions can lead us in the direction of imagining what we need to. For example, if I'm in fear, I'm imagining the wrong thing. If I'm depressed, mentally, I'm imagining the wrong thing. I can feel when I'm imagining constructively or imagining what serves me. 

In the meantime, while we're here, I think it's about focusing on developing ourself in so many different ways. It's about wondering, imagining, changing, challenging ourself and just basically evolving in a whole number of ways. At the end of the day, when I'm ready to go, I like to imagine myself saying to those I love (with a smile) 'See you on the flip side'.

The ultimate question worth asking ourself comes down to 'Does what I imagine serve me?'