father and partner- compulsive liar- alcoholic-former drug user- depressed- anxiety filled and happy attempting to turn my life around.

[thomasjaja]

Hi,

Im 31 and im a compulsive liar, except when saying that. its true. Ive lied about anything and everything since I can remember, age 4-5 id say.I have adhd, anxiety, depression, Im an alcoholic and former drug user. Ive never paid back money, make excuses and lose friends over it. i have no relationship with any family except my dad. Ive isolated from my friends, My partner is amazing and has stuck with me for 2 years now, we have a son and another due in 2 weeks. Shes never judged me and supports me endlessly. I havent been diagnosed bipolar but it seems im two people- The Liar and The one that hates seeing people hurt and dealing with the liars mistakes. Always had anger issues though episodes are further apart these days. I never got help, it was only after an accident at 30 I flipped out getting a ct scan and was met by a top psych when the benzodiazepine kicked in back in my ward bed when it all came out. Day after discharge I had a formal appointment, diagnosed with clinical depression andadhd (at 30) my life then made sense. I got my prescription. I never went back. I dropped out of high school thinking i was stupid unable to concentrate and always anxious. Ive just enrolled into uni at 31. Im freaking out but want to really turn my life around and be someone for myself and kids. Thats not a lie. Im genuinely scared of failing and not concentrating and lying to get through knowing that makes it worse. Im not on medication, Ive gone 6 days with no alcohol after 12 years of a minimum 10 standard drinks a day with maybe 10 sober days in that time. 9 months no drugs aswell. I know i have to see a professional but the aniexty of them not believing me is overwhelming full well knowing thats not the case. None of this is even making sense, I just want to know if anyone is the same and I want to start changing my life and who ive acted to be and be true from now.

[sunnyl20]

Hi thomasjaja,

Welcome to the forums. I'm really sorry to hear that things have been such a struggle. From what you have mentioned though, it seems like you are very motivated to try and change. Good on you for making steps in that direction - it can be frightening and takes a lot of courage to admit where you could improve. Congratulations on 9 months with no drugs and 6 days sober - they are huge achievements, the persistence that that takes cannot be underestimated. It sounds like your partner and kids are a real strength for you - keep those supports close.

It is understandable that you might freak out at the prospect of starting uni and "turning your life around" - change is scary. But it is important to keep in mind why you want to change - whether you write this in your phone or somewhere else you can refer back to - keeping front of mind what your motivations are is helpful to keep you on track when you feel hopeless or when things feel stuck. Trying to make big changes like the ones you've described is never a linear process - it will more than likely be two steps forward, one step back... But it sounds like these changes are really important for you. Make small but realistic goals that break down the bigger picture of what you want to change, so that it doesn't feel quite so overwhelming.

I would really encourage you to see a professional if you feel that you need that support - do you feel open to trying to challenge your anxiety around them not believing you? Are there any doctors or clinicians that you have seen in the past who you would consider re-connecting with?

You may also wish to have a scroll through some of the other threads on the forum, you will find that you are definitely not alone in what you are experiencing. Please take care and do not hesitate to reach out on the forums as and when you feel up to it.

[thomasjaja]

Thankyou for your reply mate.

[Gambit87]

I tip my hat to you.

cant even begin to imagine what you have been going through, but it takes strength and courage to reach out for help to start changing your life. good on ya.

I was depressed and had anxiety for the better part of 10 years before realising I needed help. I lacked motivation and I was going through life stuck in a rutt feeling like a robot. Then I had a break down which thankfully was the kick I needed to seek help and start putting in the effort to start living again.

Your going to feel overwhelmed, stressed, theres going to be days where you lack motivation and think what the hell am I doing? - thats perfectly normal. Thats when you take a step back and look at the bigger picture, think about what you are trying to achieve, think about whos in your corner and I dont know, it gives you fire, it gives you strength.

Self care is important! and I cant recommend enough talking to a psychologist. I've been seeing one for over a year now and my outlook on life and my overall MH has improved alot.

I also recommend checking out the facbook page haka for life. Check out the videos (especially the check-in and push up challenge videos) because the stuff that the guy speaks about is so spot on.

were here for you mate! youre not alone here.