Hi Elizabeth
You have been so busy looking after and worrying about other people in your life - it's no wonder you are struggling so much! You need some 'me time'. Have you tried speaking to your Psychiatrist or Doctor about the current state you are in (extreme tiredness, stressed and unable to sleep) - they may be able to prescribe something to help you relax and get some sleep. I know it's not ideal to use sleep-aids etc. But it sounds like you have tried so many things that haven't been working so may be an option for you during this time. Have you started the new meds as yet? If so, I really hope they are not worsening your anxiety. One thing I was told by a Neurologist I saw a few years back was to practice focusing solely on what you are doing and block out all other thoughts. So if you were washing the dishes, you would only be thinking about things associated with that e.g. Temperature of the water, the smell of the detergent, where you need to scrub the items you are washing and how you are going to do it. It sounds simple but I found it extremely challenging as my mind tends to run on auto pilot. Half the time I don't even realize that I am thinking negatively until I start to feel bad and then I realise! How about you? I truly hope you got to go on your holiday but if not, is there some way that you can organise care for your husband and take a break yourself? I'm not sure on the extent of his illness sorry but just thought it might be something to consider. Maybe someone could visit and check in on him and you could prepare meals for him to have while you are gone... But all depends on his condition really.
You are certainly not lazy. You are responsible for looking after your sick husband, babysitting and goodness knows what else while you try and manage depression and anxiety. You deserve a medal! I think most people would say that they do the bare minimum around the house when they are feeling so terrible. Take your time and get to it when you feel up to it. Do you have any other family members - your children perhaps - that could help you with anything you need done? Are they aware of your diagnosis and how you are feeling at the moment?
Anxiety has always made me feel exhausted, especially during times when I was thinking/worrying all night. If you are feeling worse than usual for no particular reason, perhaps a visit to the doctor wouldn't hurt to check your bloods etc. I hope you start to make some progress soon. All the best.
