Hi everyone, I started a new job a month ago. I always find work pretty stressful, especially new jobs. This time it's worse, because this follows a period of unemployment and I've had to move for the job too.
As a result, I find work really tiring. Everything is objectively going well, and my immediate team and supervisor are really nice. However, at the end of the day and especially the end of the week, I'm exhausted.
The rest of the cohort who started with me (it's a grad program) always go out for Friday drinks. Sometimes I can drag myself out until 7-8pm, though I don't really drink, but at that point I become so exhausted that I can barely keep my eyes open, and feel like crying. The other people seem to stay out until after midnight, and as a result seem to be bonding better.
I just feel like everyone must think I'm really unsociable, or even undedicated to my job or unambitious. There seem to be extremely high expectations of people who start in the grad program. I'm pretty intimidated by other grads who openly talk about how to become CEO, etc (and their advice usually seems to involve saying you should go out with colleagues all night every Friday).
I'm too scared to intimate that that's not really my goal. I just want to find an interesting/challenging role where I can contribute and apply my skills, but I don't think I'd be good at nor enjoy managing a lot of people.
Unfortunately, it's getting to the point where I am more and more anxious as Friday approaches, as I simultaneously want to find excuses not to go out, and feel bad about doing so. I keep having insomnia because I am so worried about this. I have even started cancelling most other activities outside of work, that I enjoy, to try to have more energy, but this just makes me sad.
I enjoy other social activities, especially in smaller groups, so it's not that I'm a misanthrope or anything. I don't even think I really have social anxiety, though I've been diagnosed with other anxiety disorders including GAD, OCD and panic attacks (this situation seems to be setting off the GAD, but haven't had any panic attacks thankfully).
I just find it stressful being around a lot of people for a long time, so by the time it's 8-9pm and I've been in the office (open-plan) and then out for drinks for 12+ continuous hours, I really can't stand it anymore. But I'm getting more and more stressed that people will perceive me negatively for not going to drinks, or always being the first to leave.
