Doubts about what I'm doing in life - Studying? Dropout? Work?

[Guest_1185]

I started a course at uni (first semester). It's my 2nd degree. I can't figure out what I want to do in life.

Census date is on 31st March.

I started having doubts about whether I want to continue this course. It's Week 5. I'm still 'adjusting' to full time study, having come from full time work. At the moment, I'm just studying. I don't work, I applied for Youth Allowance (still being assessed).

I've been struggling with the work load, it's non-stop, my life is consumed by study. I don't go out much, I feel guilty if I'm not studying.

I'm barely keeping up with the work. I don't have close friends in this course, but have spoken to some peers - They seem to be on top of everything. It makes me feel incompetent. Why does it take me so long to do the readings, activities and assessments? I'm trying very hard, but still don't reach the same level of understanding as peers. I can't find meaning in what I'm studying. They're supposed to teach me and prepare me for the job, but I feel like I don't know anything practical.

I'm also starting to question the career related to this degree - I need this degree for the career I want. People have told me that the actual job is nothing like the university course. People tell me the job itself is very tough, few friends felt like quitting. IDK if I want that job anymore.

I'm in a negative state of mind. I feel so dumb compared to peers, I feel stupid because this time last year I was so keen on this course and related career, even though my parents advised against it by saying it's not a great job, you're incurring more student debt, they basically told me to stay in my full-time job. I'll feel so ashamed if I drop out.

- Do I want to do this course? My mind is clouded with negative thoughts, so I can't make a clear rational decision. I can't decide if I enjoy the course or not.

- If I withdraw by 31st March, no financial penalty, my Youth Allowance will be cut. No backup plan. I'll have to find work ASAP for $. With current events (virus, unemployment), it will be hard.

- Or, I can finish this semester, and apply for jobs along the way (not sure if it's a good idea, IDK my passion). If I manage to get a job, take it, then withdraw (financial penalties of $4K will apply since census date will have passed). That will mean I'll have to continue to try keeping up to date with studies, since if I don't get a job, I'll continue the course. And, I'll have Youth Allowance as long as I'm enrolled full time.

Other options?

[geoff]

Hello Celiam, thanks for posting your comment.

At the moment you seem to be chasing your own tail around here if you don't like the course you are doing, and it's your second one, then is it going to improve over the year or next year, I can't say, but probably not, sorry.

You will be able to apply to Centrelink for unemployment, youth allowance isn't the only payment you can get, there are other options.

If you have negative thoughts about wanting to do the course, then the decision is simple, and secondly what employment can you get from your first degree.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Guest_1185]

Thanks for the reply.

I think my issue is that I know my thoughts at the moment are very negative, so I'm not sure how I really feel about the course. I tend to see myself as incompetent and incapable. Two years ago, when I was applying for my first job (as a fresh graduate) I had bad anxiety, looking at job descriptions and what the ideal candidate was.

I have to decide on how I really feel about study vs. work when my mind is neutral.

I am having so many doubts about the course due to workload. Some of the content is interesting and I would do better if there were more hours in the day to study. But, with the deadlines creeping up, I feel overwhelmed and consider dropping out to be an easy way out to avoid doing the assessments.

I just think of dropping out because I'm stressed now.

Is it because I am still adjusting to studying? But to be fair, this course is much harder than my 1st degree. I've never studied this much before. I'm putting in a lot of effort.

And, what if the job related to this course is enjoyable? And if it's just the course itself that I don't enjoy?

My first degree is commerce, but I have limited experience in the field. Also, I'm not sure if I am passionate about that either. I'm not sure how I feel about office life. I worked in an office for 1 year. I was not miserable or anything, but I was not engaged. But I loved the people I worked with.