Dont think of the colour Red

1983MrP · ‎10-05-2017

Hi all. I have had a dream a few months ago that i had hurt my children. I dont know how or what i did but after thinking about it all day i felt so horrible i could not sleep. Now i have had some time and meditation training i am slowly getting past this. But still sometimes i worry what if i can hurt my kids. Im not that person.... my brain just takes me away... how do i shut it down... honestly i would never hurt my children and it scares me when i think i can so as i said dont think of the colour red

BballJ · ‎10-05-2017

Hi 1983MrP,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

My first question for you is are you currently seeing a doctor or a psychologist for any sort of mental health concerns? Has this dream occurred again at all?

I am not quite sure of the perfect advice here as I haven't encountered this type of issue before however either. It does seem if you aren't talking to a doctor I would recommend you make an appointment to go and see one and discuss these thoughts because I really feel they need to be addressed.

My best for you,

Jay

Croix · ‎11-05-2017

Dear 1983MrP~

Welcome here, I'd like to suggest two things.

Firstly about the worry you are having about possible actions. This reminds me of myself a fair while ago. I sufferer from PTSD, anxiety and bouts of depression.

I used to have periods when I was caught up in 'almost being' at events. When I was roused out of that state I would be very angry and resentful. This worried me greatly, I was very frightened that my wife would try to help me and I would react violently without thinking. The worst bit was that I did not see any mechanism to control my actions, nothing to stop me.

It never happened. Although I did not consciously do anything to stop myself the very worst I did was jump up and shout a couple of times. I'm firmly convinced it was my love for my wife kept me from doing anything hurtful. I'd imagine your love would do the same, not matter what the circumstances.

The second thing is the thoughts themselves you are having. I guess -I'm not a medical person - that your intrusive or unwanted thoughts may be part of an anxiety condition, somewhat similar to mine.

You said you are having meditation training. Like Jay I'd suggest that this might not be quite enough. If it was me I'd see my GP in a long consultation and explain the whole matter in detail. If appropriate you may them be given a course of treatment and therapy, a start to a better place.

Looking in The Facts menu above will give information about anxiety, and browsing around this Forum will let you see how others have handled the condition.

I found that while medical support was very necessary I also needed everyday support. Do you have a family, or a friend, who you can talk to, who will understand and give you support?

We would be pleased if you could post again and say more

Croix

geoff · ‎11-05-2017

hello MrP, having these thoughts are always terrible, but they 'intrusive thoughts' which will happen for people suffering from OCD, I have this illness and my thoughts were to hurt my dear Mum who I loved so much and could never wonder why until I started counseling.
There is a huge section of this on BB, plus it has been discussed multiple times, because it really is a disturbing thought to want to hurt someone you love so much.
For me I stopped thinking of hurting Mum when she was put into a nursing home, but that was only how I could do it, you may have another way to overcome these thoughts, but can I encourage you to google 'intrusive thoughts' in the 'search bar' at the top of this page.
I would really like to know what you think. Geoff.

1983MrP · ‎11-05-2017

Hi mate.

I have seen my local gp and she has put me onto the meditation. I have not had this dream again just the once. But it did scare me so that for some reason its always at the back of my mind when i have time to think. Ive always been an overthinker but its only when my kids were involved that it scared me

BballJ · ‎11-05-2017

Hi 1983MrP,

Thanks for the reply, have you been back to see the GP? Have you ever had any mental health concerns addressed by your GP at all?

My best,

Jay

geoff · ‎12-05-2017

hello Mr P, I'm pleased that you haven't had the dream return, however you can't dismiss the fact that another one might happen, I hope not, so have you had the chance to read any of what I mentioned or you maybe a bit frightened, that I can well and truly understand. Geoff.

romantic_thi3f · ‎13-05-2017

Hi 1983MrP,

Thanks for your post.

I think you've been given a lot of great advice here so I won't add too much more -

I just wanted to say that what happens in dreams is far from reality. Yes, they come from the subconscious, but they are mostly metaphors. Things like murder (or causing pain in some way) don't necessarily mean causing pain in real life - in real life they can mean change/ending to thoughts or situations.

I myself have had many dreams that are similar; I do know that they can be incredibly frightening, but like you I would never hurt anybody intentionally. That's the difference - I trust that you would never hurt your children and the fact that it disturbs you is also okay because it means you care so much about your children.

To answer your question about shutting it down - I don't think it's about shutting it off. If we try not to think about the colour red we automatically think about the colour red! So instead focus on accepting the fact that it was a dream and far from any reality. Just like with time and meditation; this will start to affect you less and less - until not at all.

White_Rose · ‎14-05-2017

Hello Mr P

I have just seen your post, a bit late, but I would like to offer an explanation. No idea if it's the correct but it's something from my experience and discussions with a psychiatrist about my dreams. I used to dream a lot but since I started taking my current antidepressants I cannot remember my dreams. Sad really.

Anyway, back to the point. The dreams you have early in the night are about sorting out the day's events in your mind. You probably never remember them because you go to other dreams. Later dreams are more about your fears and ambitions. You are the person telling the story so you put into the dreams the people you know or characters that are recognisable by the way they act or the roles they play. They usually appear symbolically.

Your dream may have nothing to do with your children but they were there as a symbol perhaps of someone(s) vulnerable or possibly a young version of yourself. The feeling that you have hurt someone may be anxiety over someone you know that may be hurt, not necessarily by you, or hurts you experienced in the past.

I will tell you of one of my dreams. I was in a house on my own and various people kept coming in, uninvited. I kept walking round shutting the doors and someone came behind me opening them. These people said they had come to see the doctor. Afterwards I realise the person opening the door was the psychiatrist who did not want me to hide from people, something we tend to do in depression.

Then I decided to go outside even though I knew there were tigers roaming around. You can see why dreams have little to do with reality in many ways. When I was reasonably far from the house a tiger emerged from the forest and charged towards me. I was terrified and stood frozen to the spot. The tiger got nearer and as it sprang on me it changed into a dog who wanted to lick me to death. I think this was me denying my fears and suddenly discovering they were real, helpless because I had no idea what to do, then realising they were not as bad as I thought.

The dream frightened me for a while until I started to work out with the psych what it all meant. I have no idea what your dream meant other than the suggestions above, but I feel it was symbolic rather than reflecting an actual desire to harm your children or anyone else. I hope this helps. I think you can work out what your dreams mean with a bit of practice.

Mary