Don't know what to do anymore

[SicMrex]

Hello, I have suffered from anxiety for most of my life, was diagnosed with it in 2015 after i had a breakdown after my father passed away from cancer. My doctor put me on medication, which helped for a while. As a child is was bullied from the age of 4 until my early 20's. Which was a mixer of verbal and physical, during and after school. I was always a loner, with no friends and still am today. But loved going to the park with my dog, kicking the footy or playing basketball. One day in 1997 while playing basketball, this group of guys asked my too join in. This went on for several weeks, when one of the guys asked me to go a party with them. We all became friends for several years and I final thought my life was looking up. Then one night, one of them accused me of saying bad things about his sister, which I didn't do and never would. He and others attacked me. While laughing and joking that they never friends with me. I had concussion for about a week. I still get flash backs now and that was over 20 years ago. So after that I hated leaving the house, would never go out on my own, which I still struggle with today and I'm 45 now. So I started going too the footy with my sister in 2000. Which I took as a huge step for me, which we still do today, also with other family. I was starting to get to somewhat my old self, went last year in August my mother passed away, who through all of what had happened was my best friend. So I am back too thinking of all the bad things that have happened to me, forgetting all the good times. Questioning what the point of life is. In my opinion life is a complete waste of time. My family try to help me, but don't understand what it feels like. If it wasn't for my sister that I live with, I properly wouldn't go to work or sometimes not even be here. So how do I fix this life which is shit. Because I let the toxic people in my life win, through being gutless to do any thing myself to change. Thank you Jaime

[mmMekitty]

Hi sickMrex, or Jaime, whichever you prefer, you are most welcome here on the forum. After what you've been through, I'm not surprised you are wondering what life is for. Asking this question, you are not alone. Lots of people ask, & losts also spend a full lifetime trying to figure that out. That quest in itself is a great reason to go on.

many people will be able to resonate with all the aspects of your post. For myself, I was teased & bullied, betrayed, abandoned, thought I had a friend or two, who turned out to be anything but. Both my parents are gone now. I wasn't close to them, so, in that way, I know what it feels like to not be able to turn to them for support.

& I see it really has gotten tough for you. The bashing in particular was awful, & you have had some problems since.

I note you said you had taken some meds for anxiety. are you still taking them? & UI wonder if you have ever sought any sort of therapy for any of the difficulties you are experiencing? If not, you might like to talk to your GP about what options could be available to you. It's hard to talk about the things you write about, so if you make an appointment with your GP, as for a long appointment. You might also find it helpful to write down, including what you've written here, the struggles you are having, because it seems to me, youve been through so much it's hard to keep track of it all.

You have a good relationship with your sister. If she came with you to see your GP with you, do you think that support would help? Like my carer does, your siter can take notes of what the GP says. I find that very useful, when I come out thinking I forgot 90% of it already.

I'm not sure - do you have a dog you take for walks, & care for? Lovely, if you do.

Hope your favourite footy team triumphs, next time you see them play. (You can imagine me being bored out of my little kitty brain. 😼LOL)

mmMekitty

[Sophia16]

Hi,

Thank you for being so open here. I can hear the pain you are going through. It is so heartbreaking. You have been so strong and you should be so proud of yourself for being here today.

I know your past has been so traumatic and difficult but just remember we can improve from our pasts. I personally did not have a good past, but I realised that I can change myself and be better than those who wronged me.

You only live once so be strong and try and get out of your comfort zone. Fight the evil thoughts and don't let any toxic people into your life.

Stay safe and I am always here to chat.