3 weeks ago I was sitting on my bed working away on my laptop preparing for an upcoming event. My partner arrived home and asked me how my day was..I began explaining my day was not unlike any other when all of the sudden I began hyperventilating uncontrollably. I became disorientated and found myself crawling across the bedroom floor reaching for a wall in hopes of finding a sense of stability somehow. I was terrified and trying to ask my partner to call the ambulance but I couldn't get the words out. I simply couldn't speak. I genuinely believed I was having a stroke or minor heart attack.
After some minutes, my breathing began to normalise and I was able to get to the bathroom to throw back 2 benzodiazepine tablets. I climbed into bed, pulled the covers up and laid awake the entire night staring around the room. I found this particularly frightening as i've never been able to keep my eyes open after having 1 tablet, let alone 2. I knew something wasn't right.
I went to the GP the following day and after clearing my physical examination, he explained he was quiet sure what i'd experienced was a panic attack and that it was possible I may experience another in the future. I've since been administered anti-depressants and have started seeing a psychotherapist once a week. Needless to say, I have never felt less like myself than what I do right now.
At the moment I don't feel as though anyone in my life seems to fully comprehend how scared, alone and spaced out i'm feeling on a daily basis. Maybe someone here may understand when I say...I feel equal parts of wanting to be cuddled and reassured and equal parts of wanting to be completely isolated from the world.
I haven't been the same since the panic attack, since starting this medication and since telling colleagues and friends whats really going on with me. It's all happened so fast and although I've been the one to take the initiative and seek support, I do feel as though i'm losing control of my identity in a way.
Please someone tell me this journey get's easier.
