Hi,
I am new to the community here and would like to share my experience with anxiety and phobia. I have suffered anxiety for many years now and was referred to three years ago by a GP to a psychologist for Social Anxiety and General Anxiety. I went to one session and never went back. The truth is, I couldn't even bring myself to tell my GP what was the true cause of my anxiety and suffering. I have a debilitating phobia of throwing up, and this year (almost three years later) after having my phobia more or less under control, I relapsed back into phobia and reached a point where I lost weight due to fear of eating, in fear that it would lead to me being sick.
I know that my fear is irrational but it just feels so real. I always get comments from friends and family about my eating habits, I generally stick to bland foods (bread, biscuits, bananas, pasta) and trying new foods is a nightmare for me. I was overseas a few months ago when my phobia reached its peak effect - I was having at least two panic attacks a day, unable to eat any meals and sticking to biscuits or bananas which are my safe foods. My family could not understand my behaviour and panic attacks because I still can't bring myself to tell my friends and family the true nature of this phobia as it is so embarrassing. I have made a lot of progress in the past few months, though I still avoid going to restaurants/eating in public as much as possible. I look at other people and wonder how they can go about their day not worrying about what may happen if they eat.
The past few weeks were great, I was eating at least two meals a day (not in public) which was a significant improvement for me. But now during exam period, anxiety has yet again taken over me completely, I'm sometimes unable to do any study for hours as I wait for my panic attacks to pass. I also was told a story that triggered me on the weekend which threw most of my eating improvements out the window as I have now reverted back to old habits and skipping meals in fear I will be sick. My fear is so strong that even being told a story about someone being violently sick or hearing someone say the word can make me revert back to my skipping meals and avoiding danger food habits..
I'd love to have the courage to tell my family and friends about what is really causing my debilitating anxiety, and seek help from a doctor, but it's too embarrassing. I want to seek the help I need but I'm worried that I'll never find the right treatment.
