Depressed because always alone

[golden82]

My family of origin have abused, isolated and excluded me etc - even to the point of Christmases alone for the last 5 years. But yet they all get along with each other and have joy at events that I never get told about. I am always alone. I have tried to make/keep friends but it is not the same. They all have their families and commitments to those healthy relationships. I guess it falls apart for me because my family members are toxic and not healthy relationships - so it leaves me alone - all the time.

It didn't bother me as much early on but the longer it goes on the worse I feel and my families treatment of me seems justified as obviously I am unwanted as I am always alone and never included. COVID certainly didn't help matters for me either - with the occasional coffee catch up with friends gone. I do like my own company (well, not really - but have been crushed by my family that I have such low self-esteem that my own company is safer than facing the world). However, the occasional inclusion would make a world of difference to me.

I don't know what I am posting for - maybe it might help to know if others experience the same - alone/isolation. Do people feel okay with it? Like I used to. Or does it affect mood, depression? I never had depression before all of this - I was quite charismatic and a bit of a social butterfly - always shy, but I interacted well with others. Now I am just a depressed, anxious empty crushed shell due to the people I loved most and who should have loved me most.

Also, I am sick of people making false promises - eg we will call you next week or whatever and never happens and emails that go unanswered. It only adds to the feelings of alone and unwanted/forgotten/not important. And this feeds into the depression. I am just not going to bother anymore. Does this happen to others??

Thanks for reading.

[Haggisinoz]

Hi golden82,

Thank you so much for being open and for sharing this with everyone here. I completely understand how you feel having had a very similar experience, you are not alone.

My experience with my family has some similarities, I was rejected from my family at a very young age and I always felt isolated and alone growing up which then carried forward to my adult life and manifested with anxiety, social anxiety and depression. This also really affected my self confidence and self worth and I started to step away from connecting with people and my friends.

Over time having invested in counselling and psychology, this really helped me to separate those associations with my family and my childhood. I still say to myself today that this is my life and I won’t allow my past control my future but this is easier said than done.

I have also felt disappointed with people and let down. Over the years I have realised I expect the same form other people as to how I treat them myself but this is unrealistic. I would always get upset when someone didn’t return my call or reach out to me which again made me feel like it was me and I wasn’t worth it. I know I am, just like you are worth everything but sometimes people will let you down and it doesn’t mean they love you any less. I think you will know deep down yourself when someone is invested in you or not.

You are not alone, we are here for you. 🙂

[golden82]

Thank you very much for replying to me. Just the fact of a reply and not being ignored as usual in life - means a lot, so thank you. Even more so with sharing your experiences - it helps to remind me I am not alone with getting a rough lot in life.

Thank you for your advice of what has worked for you. You sound like you are very level-headed...I can only hope to one day get to that point. Although I know the theory, it is so hard to apply it to myself. And once I start spiraling it gets even harder. I have been spiraling badly lately and so is why slow to reply - my apologies. Take care.

[Spd]

My family and friends did the exact same thing to me from a very young age.even when l thought l had friends,that certainly wasn't the case.ive spent at least ten Christmases on my own and looks like that's how it will always be.l can go months without talking to anyone,so lucky l have animals.l can say there are a lot of people in this situation and it's not good for your mental health.l hope your situation is better than mine .l hope you push on and things improve for you.take care.