Dealing with anxiety resulting in affecting partner.

[itsjaz]

Hi there,

I have recently experienced strong feelings of anxiety when creating unreal scenarios when my partner is going out with his mates. I know I should not be other thinking this and I should completely trust him, although I know that this is more of a self issue and I’m projecting outwardly to my partner. I ended up ruining my partners night out and now we are trying to give each other space. Although this space is making me feel more anxious than ever, I’m constantly wanting to talk to him but he doesn’t quite understand that I may be experiencing anxiety. I’ve tried to speak to him about it but he thinks that this is something that I need to fix myself. I feel like my outbursts of anxiety attacks have pushed him away and I don’t know if we will every go back to normal.
has anyone experienced this or is able to assist me and guide me with what’s the best approach to this situation?

[botmij]

Hey jaz, welcome to the forums and thanks for sharing this.

I think there are a number of ways to can approach the situation, and it might be good for you to think about a pros and cons list for each of them. I will try my best to help offer a third party perspective for you 🙂

I think one of the first things that could be helpful is for you to be a bit kinder towards yourself - the anxieties you feel about your partner aren't flaws and they don't make you a bad person. They are just thoughts that come and go, they don't define who you are. It could be helpful if you looked into some meditation or perhaps tried writing down your thoughts - this way you can materialise them outside of your head, which can sometimes help you move on from them.

If you both agreed to give each other some space, make sure you define what this means first. Are you simply not on speaking terms for a few days? Are you just having minimal contact? It's really hard to completely cut contact with your partner, so I really think that your anxiety is valid in this case especially if you are used to speaking very frequently. If you have both agreed to not speak for a day or so and you believe it is reasonable, make sure you respect your partner's boundaries. If you push too hard it could have the opposite effect to what you would like!

If you are struggling to find ways to help your anxiety, it might be helpful to get in contact with a psychologist who is trained professionally to work with these kinds of dilemmas. Wishing you all the best, the forums are here for you to have a place to speak your thoughts 🙂