Contimination OCD getting worse and worse

[highhopes]

Hey all,

I have suffered from Depression for many years and in the last 4 years have suffered from an increasingly worse Contamination OCD.

This limits me in life in so many ways and with the COVID19 lockdown it has made me even more enclosed per say.

- I am unable to go to the shops on my own.
- I have to shower everytime I step out of the front door (literally if I put my hand out of the door I have to shower).
- I often wear sandwich bags to handle food and many other things including parcels in the mail.
- I haven't been able to have my parents over for more than a year
- I have 1 particular room in my house which is my safe zone more than any other areas. I always wash when I go into this room (I shower).
- I am uncomfortable getting any fumes in my nose such as car smell so I will often avoid it.
- I am extremely cautious when I was my hands after the bathroom (often wash twice very thoroughly).
- The longest session of a shower was about 1.5 hours. This was from my biggest and most uncomfortable trigger which is cigerette smoke. I have been known to throw away clothes if I have been in contact with it and make all the efforts possible to avoid it (it is literally my hell on earth being around it). The second I smell it, this huge feeling of dread goes over me and I feel extremely uneasy. I could have been the happiest person in the world 5 seconds before and it will hit such an incredible low. I had a PTSD event 4 years ago that involved cigerette smoke and it still affects me on a daily basis.

It essentially feels like any contaminations are stuck to me once they are there, and a shower (a decent one too top to bottom) is the only way I can feel comfortable). If I don't wash, it will feel like it sticks to whatever I touch and that will then therefore be contaminated and the process continues.

I Have had Cognitive Behaviour Therapy in the past for about 6 months and while it did help in small amounts, the fundamental part of it is still there, where if i was to make any progress I would have to open the flood gates to everything essentially getting contaminated (if I don't wash after stepping outside and come in and touch everything I will have a mental breakdown). So I am worried this is a forever thing unless I open that flood gate. Something I am not sure I will ever be comfortable doing.

While I am not neat (due to the time and effort required to keep to my level of cleanliness, I do like to keep an extremely clean house.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi there highhopes

This sounds really tricky, but it sounds like you're also very aware of the limitations that it's placing on your life and you want to get help for it. I think it's understandable to think that we may never be able to get "better", or do what's required to get there, but I don't think that that should stand in the way of having a go. Even if you make some small improvement, it will put you in a marginally better place than you are now, right?

I have a mild form of contamination ocd, so I can relate. I met someone with an extreme form of what I have, and it made me think about how easy it would be for mine to get out of hand. I guess that's why CBT works. Because we need to get our thinking under control, rather than responding to our thoughts with actions such as cleaning/decontaminating.

Do you think you would be willing to try having another go at seeing someone for some help?

My kind thoughts, Katy

[Amanda2000]

Hi,

Me too me too! I cannot trick my brain to think any differently.

I wash my hands twice just like you and still doubt whether they are clean. The duration of each hand-wash is becoming longer and longer. I wash them even more thoroughly than a surgeon. I follow the hospital-method, but instead of 20 secs as recommended, it's like 2 mins for me. Then the rinsing takes even longer because any soap-residue gives me bad hand eczema.

I find everything to be a contaminant. At home I tell my family to stay away from me. My anxiety will hit even if they walk past me.

When I'm preparing food or handling clean-things, I feel distracted if I hear any sounds. The distraction will then make me think some germs have jumped into the food/clean-things at that very brief moment.

I cannot get rid of these triggers. However I've been trying very hard using coping-strategies to get out of these irrational thoughts so at least I don't stay in the anxiety-moment for too long. It is very exhausting on the mind.

It's been extra hard with covid going on. Some "germs" are actually real now.

You are not alone!