Constantly worried I’ve made a huge mistake

[Guest_937]

Hi

I’m constantly worried that I’ve made some huge mistake that will ruin my life. In my mind I’m constantly combing through my past actions to figure out what I’ve done wrong and where the mistake is. It’s like I think if I can find the mistake and fix it I will be ok or can at least be prepared for the consequences.

Inevitably I do find some mistake I’ve made (like filling out a form wrong, forgetting to pay a bill or forgetting to do something in my volunteer job) and then I immediately jump to it being some huge legal problem and I’m in jail and my family disown me.

Does anyone else ruminate and catastrophise like this? Is this GAD?

[Just Sara]

Hey James and welcome;

Mistakes are the harbingers of learning! What would we be like without them? Perfect? I think not...

Welcome to our caring community James. I do understand where you're coming from though. Being self critical can end up like ruminating if we don't allow ourselves space to be human. I've been there as most on here have.

I'm wondering where your fear comes from. Is it a form of discipline from childhood? For me, I couldn't do anything right as mum had a narcissistic personality and dished out punishment liberally. So I grew up trying to please all and sundry, failing miserably and punishing myself with self blame and lothing.

Decades later I've become more self focused, forgiving and accepting of my flaws as being 'me'. I'm ok with that because it's freeing.

Perfection is a myth. It's sprouted by advertising agencies as being attainable, but that's absolute rubbish!

If anything, there's perfection in our faults and individuality. What do you think about this statement?

I'm eager to learn more about you. Would love to hear back, though I may not be able to reply quickly as I'm off to bed shortly.

In the meantime, look around and join in the discussions. Until we talk again, take care not to be too hard on yourself ok.

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[Guest_937]

Thanks for your reply Sez. I appreciate your thoughts.

I understand that perfection is not attainable and, I don’t think I am a perfectionist (at least not in all areas of my life). Small mistakes don’t bother me at all, I’m not a neat freak by any means and I think I deal with change ok. But I still can’t shake this feeling that I’ve made a catestrophic mistake- one that is negligent or unforgivable

there’s never really been anything in my past that I can out my finger on that would make me this way. My parents are very loving and have never put pressure on me. I guess I’ve never been great with failure, but who is, right.

I know I can’t live my life looking over my shoulder or avoiding things that could give rise to mistakes/risk - but that’s easier said than done!

it certainly helps to have a forum where other people understand, so again, thanks

[IsaJett]

Hi james

I hear you loud and clear..and my goodness am I glad you posted.

I was stucked in a bad marriage for too many years that I can remember where love had gone and died and I hadn't gotten the memo. A crazy affair later...I finally got myself out of there ..only after 2 more miserable years.

hahaha so yes..... do I go back all the time and wished I had saw all that sign and wished I got out of there sooner...you bet I do...

It was a mistake that I regretted so badly that it plagues me every single day. The thing is if I can do it all over again ...I don't even know where to begin to end the relationship.

I guess my point here is....and yes there is a point ...hahaha

There is no need to go back and backtrack . I went back to the past to backtrack...a bag of pain and sorrow was all I found. Shattered pieces of my broken heart....hahaha...only to get cut up again cos I am revisiting the pain.

Deep down we already have an imprint of what we done wrong..deep down we already know..the lessons learned. We learn to forgive ourselves..show ourselves compassion and look towards the future and know that deep within our future ahead is bright and good. If things don't swing our way , we have faith in ourselves that we will have all the coping mechanisms to once again dig our way through again.

I hope this helps you my friend and I look forward to hearing from you in regards to how you are looking forward instead of backwards.

Its kind of like driving a car...You look forward and look for hazards ahead and only occasionally look in the rearview mirror.

[Just Sara]

Hey again James;

Isabel has hit on a very important point I feel. Confidence grows when our 'ability to face situations' changes for the better. It seems to me you don't 'trust' yourself as much as you could. Am I right?

These feelings of dread you have, could most certainly be traced back to some incident or event that eroded self trust. It could even be from blaming yourself for what happened to someone else when you were little. Obviously it wouldn't have been your fault. (For the sake of what-if) But little minds can't determine right from wrong when it comes to adult concepts.

These beliefs become invisible over time, but they affect thinking and decision making processes with intensity. We're oblivious to why, but our emotional responses tell another story; fear is a mighty indicator.

It'd be ideal if you could pin-point when these fears started. Going back to that time might spark your memory of a 'feeling' that stands out. It's not so much the event, though this is still important, it's what you learned about yourself that changed your attitude, rationale or behaviour.

For example; on my 8th birthday my mum made bickies with green icing. Seeing this now can evoke pleasant feelings. Negatively, when my Nan died, I couldn't say her name without crying for the next 15 yrs (absolutely perplexed as to why) until I wrote her a letter and found my anger under the surface. I let it out and haven't looked back.

I'm hoping this is making sense James and igniting your interest.

I'd love to hear your thoughts;

Kindness;

Sez

[Guest_937]

Thanks Sez. You are right, I don’t trust myself.

There has been a couple of examples in my life where I’ve thought things were one way, only to later discover that things were not as they seemed to me at all. These could be the source of my distrust.

thanks for your insight

[Guest_937]

Thanks Sabrina. It really does help to know I’m not the only one. I appreciate you sharing your story and what you’ve learned with me.