The warmest of welcomes to you at a time in your life that feels so incredibly tormenting in many ways.
I think it's not until we're forced to address a sense of guilt that we tend to simply see it as 'that thing we feel occasionally'. The volume of it and/or the frequency of it tends to be what finally pushes us to address it. Personally, the way I came to manage guilt involved redefining it. I came to define it as being highly constructive as opposed to destructive. A sense of guilt is asking me 'Who do you want to be?'. Do I want to be someone who takes this path or that path, when it comes to a fork in the road. Guilt is asking me to become more conscious. For me, guilt is nothing more than a signpost that's asking me to consciously choose a direction. It can be asking, for example,
- 'Do you want to be someone who constantly pleases others or do you seriously need to please and serve yourself in this case? Choose a path and don't look back'
- 'Do you want to give yourself a day off once a week, where you're free to make no serious decisions, or do you want to face always having to make decisions with no break or mental rest in sight? Choose a path and don't look back'
- 'Do you want to say 'No' to always doing this thing that causes you incredible stress or do want to face this incredible stress for the rest of your life? Choose a path and don't look back'
etc etc. I should add that in the case of emergency where a family member or friend desperately needs us, it's the highest priority that tends to dictate our direction.
I think it can help to develop our inner sage too, that part of us that offers us wise words on occasion. We might ask our inner sage 'Why can't I choose what feels right for me in this case?'. The dialogue of our inner sage might be 'You've been conditioned to always put your feelings second'. In other words, we can be conditioned to suppress our feelings and never put ourself first. So guilt and our inner sage together may lead us to the revelation 'It's time to break the habit of a lifetime and learn to put yourself first'.
Personally, I find the torment remains as long as I remain standing in front of that signpost, umming and ahhing, while not having fully committed to the right or best path. It can also involve constantly looking back to that fork in the road while questioning the path I've chosen. It's not until something constructive happens along that path that I realise 'This was definitely the best path in this case'. Of course life does not happen along one single path. From a bird's eye view life is a map and there are many forks while we're often being challenged to find new and more conscious direction in what is uncharted territory. A sense of guilt, if defined as that which is of service, becomes a part of our compass.
