Constant feel of sadness

[kettlebell]

Hi all,

I am new to this forum. I guess I really want to share my feelings.

Lately for the past 2 weeks I have been feeling sad all the time without any exact reason. I was so easily irritated yesterday by little things and ended up burst out crying and couldn't calm myself down. I used to love reading a good novel and watching TV shows for leisure but recently I cannot sit still to read through the chapter or raise interest in watching the show I like. And I find cooking or even getting into shower has became an effort. It is like suddenly there is no purpose in things I do and I don't want to anything because I know I am not good at it. There are a lot of big things on my list like going on an overseas travel, moving house, planning a baby and changing my career, but I am so lost and tired and worried about not able to succeed. Especially with COVID, things have changed drastically and might not return to normal in short period of time. And I always feel like I am running out of time. I have been having bad headaches especially after work and I can sometimes feel my heart pounding very hard and pain in my chest. On some nights I lie on my bed feeling tired but I couldn't fall asleep for hours.

I worked for retail but ever since this pandemic I was allocated to a completely different role by my company. I am grateful that I did not lose my job but at the same time I do not enjoy what I am doing and I am not good at it at all. Lately I feel dreadful having to work but I still have to make a living so I cannot just leave my job. I am also worried that my negative attitude will impact other team members and they will blame me or hate me for it. I have been working from home for the past 2 months. Occasional I would go out to buy groceries or a walk in the neighborhood. Still, being stuck in the house every single hour is suffocating and I am always anxious about the next day.

It feels like nothing is working in my life. My provider is not able to fix my NBN for 3 weeks now. My rangehood and stovetop are having issues. My partner thinks I am always upset or angry cause of my facial expression. Customers have been yelling and swearing at me. Last Tuesday I found shattered glass bottle pieces all over my driveway. I am not angry but very sad and hopeless and tired. I don't know what to do or how to cheer myself up anymore. It took me a lot of courage to write this post to be honest, if you have any negative feedback for me please don't reply at all. Thank you

[Sophie_M]

Hi kettebell,

Thank you so much for taking such a brave step and sharing this with us. We know it's not easy, but it is important. You have found a safe, non-judgmental space where community members give and recieve support based on their own experiences with mental health. We're sure some of them will be along soon to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

We also wanted to let you know about our dedicated Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service - https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au/. It is packed full of information to help people manage their mental health during these unusual times. It also offers support from qualified mental health professionals who you can reach out to 24/7 by phone on 1800 512 348 or, if you prefer, via webchat via: https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au/general/chat-online.html.

Please keep checking in and letting us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.

[uncut_gems]

Hi Kettlebell,

I want to welcome you to the forums, and to echo Sophie_M's comment that you have found a totally safe and non-judgmental space to share these thoughts and feelings.

I am so sorry to hear that you have been struggling with all this during an already stressful time for the world, and a time when it seems like other things in you're life just aren't in order and clicking like you would like them to. When we feel the way you describe, it can become difficult to get the motivation to fix those things, so they pile up, which makes us feel worse, etc. I think one practical thing you could do is ask your partner to help out with some of those more mundane things like the stove and explain that it would do a lot to help your world feel more organized and in control.

Reading what you've written about how much you're struggling, especially your physical symptoms, it sounds to me like you might be dealing with some depressive feelings. I am not a mental health or medical professional so please do not take this as a diagnosis, but I do know a fair bit about this stuff from my own experience and can tell you that at the very least it sounds like you're struggling enough to merit a talk with a GP. Would you be open to that, if only to get a referral to a counsellor or another professional you might talk with?

In the meantime I am always happy to keep chatting, as are the other lovely people on this forum.

Warmly,

Gems