Christmas - with anxiety/depression

[Moonstruck]

8 November 2019
Hi all...any old buddies on here will know I can't bear this "festive season", not the day itself, by which time it's quiet, with folks already doing what they planned and no more hype or pressure. I thought I was avoiding the dreaded "lead up" but it's started already. I am now overtaken by panic and anxiety flooding my whole being, after months of coping relatively well and healthy.
my family and grand kids live in another city, and travelling there costs a lot. The parents don't get much time off at this time of year, they have a small home, so I try and find accommodation (which always goes up sky high in Peak Times). I don't get to see them often at all...and need to make contact with the kids before they get much older and I won't even know them.
working out dates, times etc to travel, hopefully before the tourist rush starts....has me in a really bad way. The earlier you book plane trips in my regional town, the cheaper it is. If I leave it till just a few days before, the cost will be out of my reach. I have to watch my finances these days...and combined with Xmas presents for the kids my head is spinning and I am terrified.
I can't think straight.....what stores to buy the presents from? will I just send money to contribute to the present if I can't get there in person? My son is not the best communicator and doesn't realise I need every little detail worked out (he doesn't know how bad my anxiety is) I need dates, times, which brands and size the presents have to be etc etc
To finish up, (and I hope I haven't bored you to tears) I am terrified, can't make decisions, frozen until I hear the family's timetables and advice....and afraid to tell them I am scared of spending too much money. They are my grand kids....I can't disappoint them?
I am scared of spending money on travel, as well as the presents, but this means I won't see them in person....I miss them, I love them so much....why does Christmas tear people with anxiety and/or depression apart like this? contrary to the happy happy movies and ghastly Carols....there is no peace, no joy, no celebration...at least for me...just stress, financial difficulties, endless choices, time wasting shopping, searching online for travel deals...it's going to destroy me this year.......and I have been doing so well...back to square one with my panic and anxiety...all due to Christmas!!

[Moonstruck]

Hi Quercus....I tend to disagree with your husband. Your tears at Carols are therapeutic and it's the perfect time to cry and let "it all" out....whatever your "it all" happens to be. He's wrong in this case I reckon.....

[Hanna3]

Sorry to hear you've been feeling so low Moonstruck. I don't watch any commercial TV so I guess I've been lucky to miss any hype about it there, and I try to ignore the Christmas shopping and frantic shoppers, I just find the crowds and lack of parking annoying and will be glad when it's all over for another year! In fact I go to the shops just before closing time when the crowds have gone and it's quiet at last! But yes I know exactly what you mean, all that hype can make you feel like you must be abnormal or something .. I don't have any family and no friends to spend the day with this Christmas - I just tell myself in 24 hours it will all be over...

Spending time with your lonely friend sounds a great way to spend the day. I'm having it with my furry little pal and we'll just chill out with a movie and a walk in the park if it's not too hot.

I hope you get to feel better it sounds like a tough time for you and all I can do is offer my support here. All the best my friend!

[littleboots]

I'm totally understanding those of you who find Christmas challenging. The media hype is unnecessary and the marketing is shameless.

The whole christmas thing intimidates me and I feel anxious about it all.

Various health issues spike at this time of year just to add complication and my mental health takes a dive.

I made christmas cakes for those that are precious to me about six weeks ago and gave them in advance of christmas because despite the name and some of the ingredients, it's just cake. Mostly everyone has eaten theirs already and given me shamefaced apologies and smiley reviews. It's good for a laugh if nothing else.

I firmly tell everyone I am not into receiving gifts because the things I want nobody can buy. They don't understand but so far I am being respected.

I wanted to ask those of you that are required to travel at this time of year... does it do your head in? Because, I want to drag my suitcase back into my bedroom and shove it firmly under the bed! Not even unpacking Yes!! Climb into bed and wait for it all to be over.

Instead, I am stressing about:-

How much it weighs

Why must I wear clothes I don't feel comfortable in

What if I leave something important behind.

How will I navigate the airport without having a panic attack

What if I sleep through both of my alarms

How will I face all of these really lovely people that embrace me every year and put on the look ok, look happy, look relaxed, look well. Quite a feat!

I don't want these people to suspect what lurks inside me. I want to look normal so they don't worry.

Anyone think like this?

[Moonstruck]

Hi littleboots

Nice to hear from you...regarding "travel at this time" Yes...that sounds pretty much like me too....I suspect there are quite a few people who feel the same way......try to survive until December 26...love Moon S

[littleboots]

Hey Moonstruck,

I got through it! Yes!! But, I still never want to do it again. ugh....

As usual, when I stress so much, a bug lurking out there waiting just for me, jumps me and by the time I made it home again and slammed the door on Christmas - I was was sick. ugh...

If catching a bug is my immune systems way of telling me that all this stress is not worth it, I should listen.

I've told myself I am not doing any travelling again next year.

I see all the tired, serious faces beginning to push the Christmas funtimes aside and recommence work, life and return to some semblance of normal. Parents who are dealing with all of the gifts that are not the right size, broken or just too stupid.

Parents have it hard these days. They must feel under attack from all sides. And the post christmas depression.

I think that's the phase I am now in, the post christmas depression phase. The little I did do, was enough to set that up in me. I cannot imagine how it feels for people that have to completely immerse themselves in the whole hectic, chaotic mess.

Or perhaps it's the NY depression? Where I really should make some kind of resolution and not be cynical?

The quiet let down of it all...

Excuse me while I go and blow my nose and lie down again.

Once I get over this I will face up to the NY.

It's not shaping up to be too good for a whole lot of people already & that makes me sad.

[Moonstruck]

Well glad you survived the ridiculous silly season...as you can see, so did I...but only just!! I always have a chuckle to myself the few days after Xmas and wonder if any of the Xmas Obsessives look around at the enormous effort they went to...to please and impress others, to have the dinner cooked just right, to get "the right present" for the kids on whatever is the "toy flavour of this year" as the magazines and TV ads push down our throats......and think to themselves..."was it really worth it? I mean, did it really enhance your life just because the calendar said it was December 25?

If your loved ones and you had a wonderful time...then that's great! But you can express your love ANY time of the year you know......you don't need TV and commercialism hype, tinsel, decorated shopping malls and totally irrelevant music about White Christmasses in the snow with sleighs and bells...to share love with your loved ones and let them know you love them!!

NY resolutions are another example of media crap!! If you decide something may enhance your life, health or well being....then you can give it a go in March if you like, or July or August for that matter!!

what makes me mad is so many of us...following along like sheep.....if you asked "why are you doing this"...if they were really honest, the majority would reply "because everyone else is"....

little boots you know what one of the best things about New Year is? that it's almost an entire year until the Christmas Crap starts all over again....no, I make a mistake...they start about October now don't they....silly me!

[Lady_Nova]

Seriously? I loath xmas, every single bit of it.
It all began with my youngest with autism not being able to cope with the shops decked out with all the lights, flashing, bling, excess ... from September! Every shopping trip was a nightmare. I was expected to do all the prep and plan, using public transport, with a preschooler who melted down and had such a hard time with all of it. My inability to do this proved how useless I was.

Then there was the holiday house I would rent for my family of five, including three young children, one with autism. I would end up catering to a house full of relatives in law who did nothing, brought nothing and I had to feed and cater and smile and parent and autism wrangle until I nearly died of exhaustion. My inability to manage all this just proved how useless I was and how inhospitable and rude and stuck up I was. Also because my child couldnt behave properly I was a bad parent.

These days we celebrate MidSummer, on or around the 21st December. All it is is a feast with friends, games, music, laughter and fun. My sons each get something from their wish list and life is much better without the pain of what xmas has become

Once I got away from all that and moved to a new home. Our neighbours put up a Chevy Chase-esque xmas light display to win a $1k community competitions. We advised we had uncontrolled epilepsy and autism in the house and asked if the flashing lights could be on the other side away from our windows and al fresco areas, but instead each year after that the display got bigger and more horrific. We had people parking us in, abusing us and screaming/laughing/honking/radios out the front for over a month ... ALL night.

Now I am done. I dont know what people put in their xmas cheer drinks, or their silly efing hats, but it only seems to bring a sense of self important over indulgence without consideration or regard for others. As they pray to they gods of The Holy Dollar in the spree of excess. We hide in our home and hope it's over soon.

This year everyone was so invested in the Bush fires the crapfest didn't happen, but then there were the bush fires so it wasn't the relief it should have been. IT was just another form of nightmare.