Career change before 30

[MissJ94]

Ive almost officially given up on my nursing career.

Ive realised that abuse, harassment, stalking, bullying, revolving door of staff/management, low wages, wages not being paid correctly, no breaks, insane workloads, unsafe ratios leading to unsafe practices, lies about having support when there really isnt any, unhelpful HR, unhelpful unions, stress, depression, and self harm, its just not worth it anymore.

Im 27 and physically, mentally, emotionally burnt out from being a nurse. Im starting to realise that it really wasnt worth going in to!! All that money, years of training all down the drain. But i blame myself because i chose that path, to willingly enter a toxic career. Ill be paying off a huge study debt for the rest of my life.

I say almost because this new job im now yet to start might change things. Its my last chance at staying in the career. Its casual so if im still sick of it ill go ahead with my plan to do a cert 3 in medical administration.

I just feel like im really grieving it all though.

I entered nursing to eventually become a midwife. But after doing half the midwifery course as a single mum and working, it was just too much. The study load was insane and i felt as though i should have known things better because i was already a nurse. Then the thought of being responsible for the care of a labouring woman and then a newborn too, it scared the crap out of me. Even to be responsible for a pregnant woman, if i missed something, if i did something wrong without initially realising it, it really scared the hell out of me. And it really makes me depressed and emotional that its not what i thought it would be.

I had the plan to be a midwife for almost 10 years, i would tell everyone that i cant wait to be a midwife and now i feel so heart broken, ashamed that im not going to continue the course. All the other middy students i met, we all had this passion. They still have that passion and here i am completely deflated and defeated.

Would things have been different if i switched to midwifery after my first year of nursing? Would things have been different if i could have just focussed on my midwifery studies and not worry about money? Would things have been different if i wasnt a mum?

I hate seeing literally everyone around me succeeding in life and here i am going backwards. I hate it that much the frustrating makes me claw at my skin and pull my hair, grind my teeth because im so SICK of this shit life i have.

[Summer Rose]

Hi MissJ94

I am very sorry that you are feeling so distressed and disappointed with your career and educational choices.

I really feel for you but I do see things somewhat differently than you. Of course, I’m coming from a very different place—close to the end of my paid working life and having experienced four different careers.

We are all forced to make educational choices leading to a career that we really know nothing about at a very early age. It is one thing to generally know what a nurse does for a living, and quite another to know the reality of what it feels like to be a nurse. Same goes for midwifery.

You would never have discovered this if you hadn’t studied and tried it. You have learned something valuable about yourself. Something you could not possibly have known when you originally commenced your study.

You are certainly not alone in finding that you are not in the work you really want to be in at this stage of your life. The fact that you are thinking about the certificate four shows courage and a willingness to change. That’s a good thing.

However, before you finalise anything I’d like to make a couple of suggestions.

You may want to speak with your GP to discuss your mental health. It might pay to spend some time to ensure that your fears about becoming a midwife are not being driven by anxiety or excessive worry or burnout or something else mental health related. A good counsellor or psychologist could perhaps help you to figure that out.

If it really is a case of trying to put a square peg in a round hole, then you might consider speaking with a career advisor before starting another course. There are likely many study/change options available to you, perhaps some you have not yet considered.

Please believe me when I say things may be changing for you but that’s not the same as going backwards.

I am here for you, along with many others in this community. Post any time,

Kind thoughts to you

[Croix]

Dear MissJ94~

I am hoping that your new casual job will be a different and positive experience for you. You have described all the worst pitfalls of a nursing job very accurately and I don't think anyone could tolerate that permanently, so leaving would only have been sensible.

The once thing I did notice was all the problems you mentioned basically came down to terrible management leading to staff shortages and slap-dash administration that only paid lip service to staff welfare - not the nursing itself, dealing with patients and helping others.

I did read you thought family/child community health might get round some of these problems and at the same time be less stressful than midwifery. May I ask if that is your new field now?

Apart from the actual work of nursing you have had an awful lot on your plate to try to cope with. Financial problems, recovering from surgery, dealing with bipolar plus being a mum (which itself is a full time job). As well finding difficulties in meeting people and keeping appointments, not due to lack of care, but simply finding yourself almost unable to attend.

While it is very understandable to ask yourself how things could have worked out if your circumstances had been different I'm not sure all the study and work you have achieved in your life has been a mistake. Your efforts and experiences have not been wasted and I'm sure you will find a niche where that will all be used without too much stress.

As an example having been in a toxic management situation you may recoginise the signs of a similar one and avoid it, seeking out something better instead.

I guess the only thing that may have been a little ambitious was to take on the midwifery course whilst a mum. From what I've heard it is very demanding and very full-time all by itself. Still until you tried you would not know., and it was something you had wanted to do for a long time.

Just to try was a praiseworthy effort . As for being overwhelmed at the responsibilities involved, I'm sure if you did not have all the stresses in your life your reaction might well have been different.

May I ask if you have now found medical support not only for the bipolar but also for you difficulties going out and facing people and interviews? I do remember you were treated unfairly with a gap payment in the past, is that all sorted now?

Please let us know how you get on, we do hope to hear from you some more

Croix

[MissJ94]

I was going to look into community nursing but it requires additional study. At this point im just not willing to continue anything nursing related because i know its the same everywhere.

I havent yet, still not in the financial position to get any help. The psychologist i did see ages ago, when there was an issue, i ended up having to cancel the appointments because i couldnt afford them. Cant do much when 80% of your payments go towards rent alone..

[Croix]

Dear MissJ94~

Yes, wiht that much of your income going on rent it is basically impossible. The best you might hope for is an understanding GP that bulk-bills. Some psychologists do but they can be hard to find.

May I ask how long till your new job starts? Hopefully it will ease your financial situation a bit and not be a burden on you.

If I remember correctly (tell me if I"m wrong) your parents were pretty OK, might they help when you are working?

Croix

[MissJ94]

Ive tried finding a bulk billed psychologist but havent yet!

Not sure. Ive been sick since just after Christmas. Tested negative to covid but the employer is asking me to be symptom free before i can start and with it veryy slowly going away it feels like i wont end up getting the job because of this dragging out so long. Soonest i could get an appointment with my GP was 11th and it was last week when i booked it so i can even be checked out if i need antibiotics or something.

Its just my mum. My father is married with some other woman over in Thailand and doesnt even know me. Mums already helped me a heap so far and with her on compo from a work injury i feel bad asking her for anything

[duchess_of_meh]

Nursing during the pandemic has been pretty horrid. Don't let your education go to dust. Go to local Gp's and see if they are open to hiring you. The gp's are a little bit better and have zero tolerance for abusive patients. If you go to health hubs that are like tiny emergency rooms that see 400 patients a day and they can be 24/7. Your a qualified nurse so doing a cert in medical administration isn't worth it. It is an easy job as I have been doing it. If you can navigate software easily, print, scan, answer calls and talk to anyone you will have no problem. The one huge thing you will have is triage experience as that doesn't get taught to medical receptionists ( where i am anyway except one health hub ) and hit up places like chiropractors, allied health, psychology etc. and you should have work in no time. Maybe you just need to take a step back and have a break or you just worked in a horrid place. But there are options out there. My local chiro also has a child health nurse and a lactation nurse so if you were to take a step back, focus on midwife education and talk to people who are practice managers for those types of businesses and you'll be able to bring in money, finish your midwife course and potentially get a job out of it.