Can't think of the right thing to say

[KFPDW]

There are times where people wind me up or have a go and I can never think of the right thing to say in the moment. It's only long after it happens when I think of something and by then it's too late. The convo finished with them having the upper hand and I'm kicking myself that I couldn't think of anything quicker. I feel weak when that happens. What do I? And can I move past it when I miss the mark which feels like most of the time? These people who have a go don't care what effect they have on others. I try to do what I can to be pleasant with others and make a effort, it feels like a slap in the face when people just wind me up or have go for cheap kicks and I feel like there's nothing I can do to stop it. 😞

[On The Road]

Hi KFPDW,

I'm sorry that you are going through this problem, it must not be easy for you when this kind of thing comes to you in socialising 😔

I think I can resonate with you to some degree if I did not misunderstand what you said, when I was a teenager, some kids constantly did similar things intentionally to me that made me feel sad, dumb and like an outcast. Now I understand that could be some form of bullying and I'm glad that I grew out of it.  

Now I'm an adult, but since English is my second language, in many conversations I didn't catch up and respond the best way I could've responded. They talked, they laughed and they moved on, and I was still there, confused.  I don't feel good about it and hate my slow response, but I've accepted it because I know I do my best. I realised that I'm not good at socialising and it's ok with that, there have been people who respected me, were inclusive and did not overpower me. 

I feel like there is always a broader circle for us, I got out of the toxic circle of teenagers that I never fit in, and now I'm spending more time for myself and for people who are patient with me. Who are the people that are patient with you, like to have a laugh with you and accept you for not thinking of the best things to say at that moment? They are the ones that are worth engaging with, and I think you learn something from them. ^_^