Can someone PLEASE tell me this is just anxiety?

[Wheatbeltboy]

Hi all. I have had about 12 years of depression and anxiety that all started from a meltdown one night, and since then every few years I will have a meltdown. When this happens usually a thought or fear will trigger it and it has been from thoughts such as, "did I just hear a voice", "am I going to go crazy and end up in a Psyche ward", or "did that guy just stare at me because he thinks I'm gay"? I have learnt that over time I get better, but I have now been in this dark place for 3 weeks now and I'm worried that this time I won't be able to crawl out of it! I am on medication for the depression/anxiety and generally I am really well, I just get too complacent I think and start burning the candle at both ends and end up back here.

I would really love to hear that this is normal and I'm not developing Schizophrenia or something similar. If anyone else out there experiences this it would be great to hear from you.

[pipsy]

Hi Wheatbeltboy. Welcome to these friendly forums. Have you discussed any of this with your Dr? Often with depression you tend to believe people are staring and pointing at you. You become extremely sensitive and sometimes just trying to live without the fear of what you believe is happening makes it seem worse. Depression makes your mind run rampant as you try to make sense of your life. Schizophrenia is a very definite illness as often the sufferer believes they are being 'told' things by the media or programmes on t.v or the radio. I'm not an expert, but from your description, Schizophrenia doesn't seem likely. The meltdown you mentioned could be due to tiredness (you mentioned burning the candle at both ends), sometimes stress can cause meltdowns as the brain tries to cope with all the things you're tryin to do. The dark place you mention is part of depression as darkness seems to envelop you and finding the sunshine is almost impossible. Seeing your Dr and discussing how you feel with him would be beneficial. If you're unsure about how to discuss it, try writing down some of your concerns about the darkness you feel. You can always phone BB's helpline for guidance on how to talk to your Dr. We have counselors who can guide you and offer support till you feel confident enough to talk to your Dr.

Lynda

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Wheatbeltboy,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for posting. Just a reminder that none of us are experts here so everything is from our own opinions and experiences (hopefully that's a given anyways).

Everything that you've described sounds very typical of depression and anxiety. But since that's probably not easy to understand let's break it down.

1) "Am I going to go crazy and end up in a psych ward?" First of all - not crazy. People who go to the psych ward go there because they either feel unsafe or are unsafe; mostly because they might harm themselves or others. It's just a room in a hospital, not like those awful movies. The aim of that is to keep you out of danger; so people who get admitted are in danger (most of the time of hurting themselves).

2) "Did that guy stare at me because he thought I was gay?" Making assumptions can be a pretty common thing with both depression and anxiety. Maybe he stared at you, maybe he was looking at something else. If he stared at you, why would it be because you are gay? Maybe he thought that you looked like someone he knew.

3) Is this schizophrenia? The idea of developing schizophrenia is a scary one, but with schizophrenia it's not just thoughts it's often beliefs - i.e. you're being watched/followed, people can read your mind, hallucinations, etc.

tldr; what you've described is normal 'inner-talk'. We all have it. Learning to manage depression and anxiety can be about lowering the amount of negative inner-talk and how that impacts our lives. In people with schizophrenia, their inner-talk can talk to each other and people struggle to grasp the concept of reality.

[Wheatbeltboy]

Hello Pipsy

Thank you so very much for you response. I truly appreciate it. I know everything on BB is people talking from experience and I'm learning that this is such valuable information and support. I will try your suggestions and see how I go. Thank you again for taking the time to respond.

[Wheatbeltboy]

Hi there, just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to respond. Your information was very useful and it did make me feel that little bit better. Now I just have to keep plodding on with the positive talk! The thoughts can get out of control and turn to paranoid thoughts and this is where it is so hard to fight them at times isn't it?! Anyway, thank you very much again, I really appreciate it. I wish you all the very best.

[blondguy]

Hello WheatBB

Anxiety & Depression are bad news, Ive had the same as you where the years of self doubt and being highly sensitized are concerned. When we are pumping the adrenaline (anxiety) as hard as we do we can end up with thoughts we dont normally have....unwanted thoughts....The rollercoaster of anxiety does include being overly sensitive and aware to any comment or people's perception of us.

Our brain is no different to our bodies...We can end up with a 'tired mind' with all the issues that we have to deal with......anxiety...depression.....then mental exhaustion..

Ive known 2 people with Schizophrenia and as per my experience I cant see any issues there with you.

Just a little tip.....Regular counselling is a real bonus...whether weekly or fortnightly can really help us keep our 'tired minds' in check. Even a basic GP visit to a good GP is a great way to vent Wheat 🙂

The more frequent the counselling the stronger we become

Thanks for a great post too. There are many kind people that can be here for you even just for a chat

my kindest thoughts for you

be gentle to yourself....

Paul

[Quiettall]

Hello

I think you should be proud of yourself for plucking up the courage to post and seek support. I would not add to the intelligence provided already by others, except to say I have been there myself with anxiety and depression. It is not a never ending tunnel. Having others, as well as resources such as this to seek support helps with coping.

Dont feel bad that you suffer. You would be surprised how many people around you suffer but are not prepared to admit it, or wont deal with it, deny it to the detriment of their relationships and their own health.

Great reading your post and your replies.

Peter

[Shred1106]

Dear Wheatbeltboy

Just came across your post today and , as someone who has had depression anxiety etc for over 20 years what you are describing is a part of these.

I described it to someone today as being in a hole that I couldn't climb out of.It's dark, black and I can't see the top of the hole.However, there are handholds to reach for when you are ready and just one of them is BB and these forums. Another is getting comfortable with a good GP and a psychologist and, for the meds a psychiatrist.Each of these supports supplement each other and it takes some patience to get there..but eventually we all will..

Don't hesitate to let us know how you are doing when you feel comfortable.

[BballJ]

Hi Wheatbeltboy,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Everyone has offered great advice which I hope you take on board, I just wanted to jump in and give my support for you aswell.

You can post back as much as you like and we will always try to help and give advice where possible.

Well done for getting the courage to seek help and i would highly recommend seeing your GP or a psychologist, they do such great work.

My best for you,

Jay

[Wheatbeltboy]

Hello to all

Firstly can I just post this in regards to the several replies I had to my post and say THANK YOU ALL for your kind words of support and experience. I am overwhelmed with the love and support from you and this has really made my day! Although every day does feel like a form of hell (my interpretation of what hell is) just hearing that I am not alone and others have made it through inspires me to keep plodding on. I have sought a good Psychologist and Psychiatrist to help me along the way and am more than happy to get on the meds and stay there if need be.

Once again, thank you so much. I appreciate it more than you could possibly imagine. I sincerely wish you all and everyone else out there struggling, learning, experiencing or recovering the very best and a happy and healthy Xmas and new year full of positive changes.

WheatBB!