Can anxiety destroy a relationship or is it a get out of jail card

[Belle32]

My partner broke up with me on Friday after almost four years together.

We started having real problems about three months ago. We were engaged to be married, it was about two months out from the wedding and he started crying often and having mental breakdowns. during these times he would not be able to communicate to me what was wrong, causing fear and frustration. All he would say is that he felt anxious and panicked and didn’t know why.

we tried couples counselling. He still couldn’t communicate. He started having panic attacks which were really scary. I encouraged him to see a counsellor on his own. Immediately after his third appointment I came home to him crying and saying he had worked out with his counsellor that the relationship was the problem and that there were things that had upset him for years which he had never been able to communicate so they built up. We broke up.

to this day, he’s nomever been able to really express what these were or give me an opportunity to address them.

after a few weeks of no contact he called me and we reinstated the relationship. Things seemed to be going well for a month or so and the same thing happened. I’ve tried to reach out but he is not responding to any calls or texts.

my question: does this seem like a common form of anxiety? Or does it sound like an excuse to break up? And is there any hope of repairing things?

[blondguy]

Hello Belle32

Great to have you posting with us on the forums and thankyou! I really feel for you where you break up is concerned....whether anxiety is related or not. From what you have posted it appears that there is a problem

I understand anxiety (and panic attacks) as I have had it for a while now (under management) and yes it can have an effect on our relationships for sure. Just so I can provide better support ....can I ask about the panic attacks that you found scary? (if thats okay)

If you could elaborate that would be great

you are not alone

Paul

[Belle32]

Hi Paul,

thanks so much for responding! the anxiety attacks have happened a couple of times when he has been on his own and twice in front of me.

It seemed like he kept stopping breathing and was having pains in his chest and I think his limbs. He was crying and couldn’t speak. We kept having to tell him to breathe because he would stop for long periods of time then gasp.

An ambulance was called. It seems the attacks occur whenever he is anxious about dealing with something, such as when we have a fight or he is questioned about something. He says he is unable to express himself or communicate about difficult issues at all.

He is afraid of having a panic attack so he avoids these situations altogether.

im unsure whether he is breaking up with me for solid reasons or if it’s the anxiety talking. And if the latter, how do I support someone who pushes me away?