Bursting into tears irrationally and randomly - anxiety & depression

[RandyJ]

Hi - I can't believe I'm here. But I am.

I just picked myself up off the couch after sobbing uncontrollably for the past 30 minutes. Why was I crying? My dog ate a $2 drink coaster. 

I adopted this dog a little while ago for companionship & company during my long work days. I work from home and it's SO boring for about 12 hours a day while my wife is out. I figured he would help and I'd break the monotony of being home alone all the time.

Just recently I left my job to work from home because of health issues. Between pain, the dog, the anxiety over starting a new business and everything else I'm just overwhelmed. 

I tried to focus on my work this morning while the dog played. He was quiet-ish so I let him go. I walked into the room to get a drink and he's gnawing the last half of the mentioned coaster. I hooked him outside and completely collapsed. I don't blame him - I'm just anxious about everything. 

I'm anxious the business won't work. I'm anxious about my health and pretty much think everything I have wrong is going to kill me. I am anxious about the dog and whether I can control him and if it's too much work for me. I am anxious that if I return a rescue what a schmuck I am. I'm anxious that if I return a rescue pup he may have had one too many homes and something bad will happen to him too. 

I don't even know where to start. I thought walks & fresh air would be good for me. I thought having the pup depend on me would give me a bigger purpose than work. My wife loves the pup but she is out of the house 12 hours a day. She does everything with him when she's home - 100%. 

I don't begin to know where to start. When we walk and he pulls it hurts. When I don't walk, I hurt from sitting too long. I can't win. NOTHING I do has been right. I just can't get it right. 

• I'm in pain going to work - that makes me anxious (and depressed).
• I quit work so I can work from home - that makes me anxious (and depressed).
• I get bored and lonely - that makes me anxious (and depressed).
• I adopt the pup to help him & help me - that makes me anxious (and depressed).

Now I'm afraid if we re-surrender him, that will make me more anxious & depressed. And if I don't, he'll make me anxious. I can't get it right. I'm overwhelmed with anxiety & depression ... obviously. 😞  I really don't think this is dog, job or health related. It's just .. everything and me. 

I don't know what anyone can say or suggest but I'm in need.

[RichyRich]

Hi RandyJ

Thank you for sharing your story. I can see that this is very painful for you and it took a lot of courage to put this into writing.

 I experienced anxiety a few years back that started to impact every part of my life. I fought with it and struggled and asked "What is wrong with me?!" I told myself that I was broken and I did everything I could to distract myself and avoid the challenging thoughts and feelings.

 It seemed like an endless and hopeless battle.

 Like you, I also reached out and asked for help. I saw a therapist and found the following really useful:

- Starting to be really curious about what I was feeling. What exactly was this anxiety? Where in my body was it? What shape was it? Examining it with curiosity completely changed how I related to it.

- Getting on Youtube and doing a mindfulness meditation. I especially like the body scan ones as they let me feel what I was feeling without trying to fight with it.

- Whenever one of the thoughts that I fought with came into my head, instead of trying to distract myself form it I would write it on a piece of paper. By the end of the first day I had "I will always be alone." written over 300 times (didn't get much done that day!), but eventually it just became hilarious.

I trust that there is maybe something in this, my experience, that can also help you.

[bergers_n_fries]

It certainly sounds like you are going through a bit at the moment however to almost vent or question yourself anywhere (be it online or elsewhere) is a great start and you need to be commended. You probably do not think so however this is the point in time where you have figured out that enough is enough of whatever is going on.

I suffered from acute Anxiety back in the day and can relate to randomly crying but also wondering/questioning everything as not going right. Ironically, it was during a periods where I was working from home as the Firm to which I worked was in the middle of a collapse and in my line of work, I was able to work from home under the guise of 'seeing clients'. My opinion, working from home is a bit difficult and one misses the plain, simple interaction with anyone and everyone daily. 

Fact is, everything is not going to go right. It is what you take away from your experiences that builds you. Similarly, everything is not going to go wrong. Swings and roundabouts. 

 I commend you for venting the proverbial spleen on here. Good work. 

[Luvlife49]

Hi there...lotsa problems to think about...justathought...take the dog yo school ie obedience lessons ...some are even free...dogs help people not the reverse...once dog starts and they really love training I guarantee it will help you immensely...best a luck