Hey all, I was looking for some advice, I suffer from OCD (in particular a big fear of cigerettes, anything that has touched a cigerette or someone that smokes) to the point where someone could touch something of mine that smokes and I would want to replace it. I have suffered for years with obsessive behaviour relating to repeating the same unfortunate processes which I didn't realise were related to OCD, depression and PTSD.
I have an extremely good mental image memory, to the point where I could instigate a PTSD moment that I will remember for years to come that will make my life very uncomfortable.
At the same time I actually have a fear of creating a
3 years ago I managed to put myself in 60k debt with my partner through 2 personal loans and 2 credit cards. This was fed by my Obsessive characteristics with OCD.
I would buy a car (project car) and find a fault (or someone will point out something) such as a bad dent or something that would cost a lot to fix but for anyone else would seem minuscule and would brush it off and enjoy the car. This became expensive as I had 22 cars now and I am 34 years old.
I feel like I am afraid of many things in life, in fear that I will not do a good enough job or will make a bad memory which I will not be able to forget about to move on in life.
This can affect things like not washing my hands after getting petrol, then knowing I was going to bring the petrol smell into the house if I don't shower before coming into the house. As a result I often wear a sandwich bag around my hand when I get fuel.
Other examples include fears of finishing painting the inside of the house that I will leave marks or imperfections, and after the bed is moved in I will be scared I will have to move all the things out again (unnecessary work that I don't feel like doing).
If I found a cigeratte butt on the new property I bought, I literally dig up the soil around it (with a separate shovel that I would want to throw away) and still it will take a while. even without touching the soil or cigarette butt I would want to shower afterwards (even wearing gloves)
Just wondering if anyone else has any experience in these abilities to create PTSD moments which seem so small, but have the ability to haunt me for the rest of my life.
This got worse with time and I feel
