dear ChildoftheWolf, I was going to abbreviate your username but what I had typed in wasn't the way I wanted it to sound, anyway hi and welcome to to BB.
OD is a topic I always like to talk about, because I've had it for about 55 years, and before I start if you google OCD in the search bar up the top, just above 'chat online', there it will bring up an enormous amount of posts that people have sent in in which they want to discuss, and intrusive thoughts are often mentioned, or perhaps our manager might be able to send you a link, as it's way out of my league to even know how to do this.
Can I just caution you on telling your husband that you are thinking of suicide, only because this could lead you to many unfavourable interviews, so please don't think in any way that by having this illness makes you strange, because it's something that a lot of people have to suffer from.
I do understand that it may feel weird, but you, me and all the others who have it initially feel strange, but we are still human beings, and it's no different than people like me with depression being treated 'with rubber gloves', as the saying goes, we have an illness that needs to be spoken about, so please don't feel at all embarrassed, because I don't.
I have said this before but will briefly tell you, that my intrusive thoughts related to hitting my Mum, I would never do this because I loved her so much, but once she was put into a nursing home, these thoughts just stopped.
These bad thoughts are something that we would never ever do, even though they keep forcing themselves on us, so why we have them, well I can't answer that, so if you want to google this 'why do ocd sufferers have intrusive thoughts', there seems to be a heap of information there, which I haven't actually read myself.
Someone maybe able to provide you with some books as they mentioned them before, but sorry I can't remember.
I would love for you to get back to us, and please ask any question you like, I'm not crazy nor are you, but two people among a heap of other people. L Geoff. x
