Are my feelings "normal"/minor?

[SH87]

Hi all,

This is my first post, and to be quite honest I'm not sure what to say. I joined because I'm not sure if I have issues with anxiety or if what I feel is "normal".

My sister has severe anxiety, she is medicated and seeing someone for help. I don't think I'm on her level but I'm struggling to manage my feelings of shame, embarrassment ect over things I do everyday. I'm always recounting conversations I've had and agonising over everything I say. I spend hours thinking of "excuses" in case people think something I've said or done is offensive (which is pointless because no one ever does). If I drink (which I very rarely do) the next day is horrific, and often I'll be a wreck for days (I pretty much avoid alcohol now as even one drink sets me off).

I'm pretty functional despite all this, I work full time, go to uni part time and have a great group of friends. However, on a bad day I can convince myself they are friends with me out of habit and obligation, which is awful. I know at times they get frustrated with me although in their defence I don't really tell them about my "bad days". I don't like going out outside this group, and normally turn down invites with other people. Sometimes I get confident and go out but this always leave me in a state of feeling mortified for reasons I can't put my finger on. I spend the next week trying to "suss out" if I've upset anyone even though I know I haven't, (like I said I don't drink so I don't get where this comes from). I'm always looking for someone to say a "magical" sentence that will make me feel better but despite people's reassurance no one ever seems to say the right thing.

I'm single and have been for over four years. This doesn't bother me as I much prefer to be on my own. Often I'll spend my weekends just going to the gym, studying and watching TV and that's fine by me.

Im very stubborn and I'm embarrassed to admit to my friends I might need help. I've tried to manage this on my own with exercise, healthy eating and positive thoughts but I'm exhausted. I don't want to tell my family as they have enough to worry about because of my sister.

Any advice would be great. Should I be getting help? Or is this minor? I came on here today because I want something to change, because I'm so tired of feeling this way.

Thanks in advance.

[Queen_Diamond]

Hi SH87;

Please don't ever think your problems or feelings are minor and not worth recognizing. Just because your thoughts or feelings aren't as extreme as others doesn't mean they aren't valid.

I feel like you may have elements of anxiety; as you seem to internalize and overthink things. Perhaps some social anxiety? I know as an anxiety sufferer that overthinking and catastrophising impacts my feelings of anxiety.

I often read alot into others comments and if someone is in a cranky mood I am always convinced it must have been something I have said or done; and until I have been proven otherwise I will obsess over it.

I think you would benefit from seeing a counselor if only short term; to discuss your concerns. You have certainly taken a step in the right direction by accessing the forums. 😀

[White_Rose]

Dear SH87

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. I am pleased you found your way here. This is a safe place to unburden yourself and we will support you as much as possible.

You do sound very anxious and I wonder if you have talked about this with your GP. You have a very full life with full time work and part time uni. I did that some years ago. Full time work, part time uni and looked after four children. But then I was a lot younger and managed better than I would today. Going to the gym is good for your health so be sure to stay with it.

Anxiety and/or depression can really mess up your thinking. Some days, as you said, you will be fine while on other days you feel dreadful. On the home page of BB there is a link to anxiety and depression. Click on the anxiety link. It will take you information about anxiety and a quick checklist which you can answer. It's not really a diagnostic tool, just a general impression. Print out your results and take it to your GP when you go for a chat.

Most people are embarrassed about being anxious. In reality I expect your friends have some knowledge of how you feel by the way you interact with them. Is there one person in your group that you feel very comfortable with? Someone you could talk to about your feelings. If so, can you arrange to meet this person for coffe, just the two of you, and talk about what is bothering you. No need to push yourself if this is too hard to think about. However, I do hope you will go to your GP.

Print out your post above and take that with you. It will be easier to give to the doctor to read and he/she can take it from there. Remember doctors are not allowed to discuss you with anyone else. Everything you say is confidential. I have found GPs pretty good with diagnosing any mental ill health. Unfortunately, anxiety and depression are very common which gives the GP plenty of practice. I wish it were not so, but now you can get some help to manage your life.

You have very low self confidence and that is why I suggest you give the doctor your post. When we get afraid of talking we turn away from people who can help. You can make an appointment to see your GP, (make it a long appointment) and save yourself the anxiety of explaining the reason for your visit by handing over your explanation. As I said, your doctor will take it from there.

Please keep writing in and tell us how you are managing.

Mary

[Zeal]

Hi SH87,

Welcome to the forum!

Your sister sounds like me as a teenager. I've had OCD for 10 years (since the age of 13), but it's not as severe now. My younger sister has had to grow up with me experiencing mental illness. Though your family would worry a lot about your sister, this doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't tell them about what you're going through. While your anxiety may not be as severe or overtly debilitating as your sister's, it still affects you. You deserve support as well.

What you have described sounds to me like anxiety. You will need to go to your doctor (GP) and talk to them about the thoughts you're having and how it's affecting your life. I have a feeling that you will be able to conquer the anxious thoughts you're experiencing quite well, as you have indicated that you are able to function on a daily basis with uni and work commitments. You could have Social Anxiety, which is anxiety specific to social situations and relationships with others. If your doctor isn't sure of how best to help, they can refer you to a psychologist or other professional.

Seeing a psychologist does not mean there is anything wrong with you and isn't a sign of weakness. Many more people than you'd realise see psychologists, sometimes just to maintain good mental health, rather than to diagnose and treat a specific condition. You seem to be content with your lifestyle, which is great to hear. Going to the gym, studying and relaxing is a good balance, and it's great you have a stable group of friends. If you are diagnosed with anxiety, there's no pressure to tell your friends. If you think it could help some of them understand you better, then doing so could be of benefit. If you have one or two really close friends, perhaps just let them know.

Like you, I am a non-drinker. The only time I had alcohol was one standard drink at my friend's 18th (which I found strong and bad-tasting), and a few tiny sips of wine as a child from my Dad's glass. That's literally it!

I think going to your doctor is a great starting point, and could put your mind at ease.

It would be great to hear back from you 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[SH87]

Thanks everyone for your kind words and taking time out of your day to offer advice. It truely had a big impact on me. I will definitely be making an appointment with my GP next week to get some help. It is at a point where I can keep going on like this, I have so many good things in my life and things to look forward to and it frustrates me to no end that I can't just enjoy them.

I don't think I'm at a point where I can talk to my family and friends. They would have some idea, I'm a chronic over-thinker and people pleaser, so they know I worry a lot. However I get very uncomfortable talking about my feelings with people even friends and family. I'm not a very open person and I don't like emotionally charged situations. I wouldn't be able to tell you the last time I cried in front of someone because I never do.

I do think I'll be printing out my post and taking it with me to the doctor as suggested by Mary. Part of the reason I've been putting off seeing someone is because I find it very hard to articulate how I'm feeling so this was a great solution.

Although I'm feeling really nervous about taking the next step I'm looking forward to having someone help me. The burden already felt lighterwhen I read everyone's responses to my post!

[Queen_Diamond]

That's great news SH87! So happy to hear we have been able to make you feel better and that you are going to see your GP. I know how you feel about feeling uncomfortable talking to friends and family about these things. I find it alot easier to talk to my GP or a counselor than someone I have to see everyday. I hate awkwardness!! Keep in touch!