Anxious baby teacher

[TeacherTears]

Hi everyone.

I became a teacher at the start of the year. I work in low-SES school. I have very little teaching experience and I have no background in 2 of the 3 subjects I teach. The one that I get the most support in is the one that I did have experience in teaching (to adults). I am floundering. A lot. Yesterday was the start of Term 2 and my classes went belly-up, each for different reasons. But even on the walk to school yesterday I was thinking about how I know that challenging anxiety and growing resilience is very important, but here I feel like I am in my Stress Zone more often than my Stretch Zone, if you know what I mean?

I have tried a few different careers and I suppose my experiences starting off in all of them were similar, when it comes to Stress vs Stretch Zones. So on the one hand, I kind of know that I will probably survive each day, and hopefully even the 2 years I'm contracted at the school. However, I got pretty bad dread before school a few times last term, and I spent most of the day before coming back to school this term crying, because I just didn't want to.

This morning, I woke up at 5:30am, and I believe I was having an anxiety attack. It's now 6:30. I've made a coffee and tried to do a mindfulness exercise, messaged a friend and tried to engage in some positive self-talk. But mostly I still want to cry. So I thought it might be a good idea to put my hand up in a safe space and at least vent, and say I'm not okay right now.

A little context: I've moved across the country to take up this job. My fiance, family and friends are all on the other coast. I went home for the holidays and I think it almost just made it harder to come back. 😞

Anyway, thank you for reading.

[Birdy77]

Oh TT ... I'm sorry, my autocorrect does the most bizarre changes to what i am trying to write.

Your USB may well "turn up in villages", but I'm not sure how you feel about this. Or how I feel about it. I think I tried to say "May turn up unviolated".

Sigh .... sorry !! Need to start proofreading...

🌻birdy

[TeacherTears]

I got a great laugh out of 'in villages' Birdy! No sign of it yet. I just really hope it's gone up a vacuum cleaner or under a bus or something.

Spent all day doing a uni assignment...nose back to the grindstone tomorrow...

Hope you and yours had a lovely Mother's Day though, and really truly thank you for posting replies.

[stroppytom]

Teacher Tears...I am a retired teacher here and looking at your workload I think you've had too much put upon your shoulders as a new teacher. You didn't mention whether you are in a state, Catholic or private school. If you are in a state school then the education department of each state has a welfare office for teachers who are having difficulty. The service is free and does not impact on your career. The next thing is to stop being so hard on yourself. You are putting in a Herculean effort by the sounds of things and you are managing to tread water and make some headway.

Things will get better. Teaching is one of the most difficult jobs in the world, despite what ill-informed outsiders might think. It's part ring-master, raconteur, stage actor and font of knowledge and that's no mean feat. You'll find that with time you will develop systems that make life easier for you, short cuts that make your physical load lighter (simple things like coming into school a bit earlier so that you can get to the photocopier before anyone else does...etc...) and you will become a known quantity to the kids you work with. Once you have an established identity at the school (not just "that new teacher") things will become much easier for you. So just hang in there. The ride is tough but worth it in the end.

[Birdy77]

Hi TT 🌞

Lovely supportive post from stroppytom above.

You busy bee doing uni assignments plus on top of everything else! Is this extra study or are you on internship?

I really hope this week is more calm and peaceful.

Fingers crossed the USB was squashed under a bus in the village , or one of the villagers sucked it up in their vacuum cleaners 😉

Thanks, yesterday for me was a six hour round trip in the car to attend mother's day function from hell!

Always happy to listen TT. Hope you have a good day today.

🌻birdy

[TeacherTears]

Thank you for the support and encouragement, stroppytom. I'm definitely happy with my choice to move into teaching, but I'm not happy about what I was given to do in this first year!! Especially not as an untrained teacher, doing my Masters at the same time...I am part of the public schooling system, so I will look into the welfare office aspect. Thank you for the tip.

[TeacherTears]

Damn, Birdy, sorry to hear about that round trip...sounds like a rough trot. Hopefully you get a chance to relax and recuperate...

My studies are a part of my program. I'm an untrained teacher doing my Masters at the same time as I start teaching. Out of the frying pan into the fire, as it were.

I dream of the day when I can start a new week feeling actually refreshed, lolsob

[lilykitten]

Hey fellow teacher,

Venting to friends is helpful as is speaking to a mentor about your load. One of the best things and worse things about being a teacher is that there is no down time. I have been teaching 20 years and I also have that lovely timetable of 9 different classes each week. It is relentless. Good because I hit the ground running each day and the time just flies, but bad because all the stressors catch up with you some days. I just visualise myself as a swan. Calm on the surface but paddling madly under the water.