Anxiety Ruining Everything

[Lovedogs9]

Hi all,

I have posted something to this a little while ago, but things have changed slightly and I wondered if anyone had come out of this the other side.

long story short; I can’t stop overthinking my relationship, and it’s ruining it. We broke up (again) last night, happy Valentine’s Day to me 😓.

We do argue a lot but I’ve come to realize that I accidentally start a lot of these fights. Especially when I’m anxious. My latest thing is, he’s not overly interested in traveling, which concerns me as it’s one of my big passions and I want to travel together.

He has slightly different priorities, and is currently seeing a family court lawyer to get custody of his son who he hasn’t seen for almost a year.

We recently terminated a pregnancy, which was really difficult, but if anything I feel like being pregnant made me less anxious, maybe just because my mind was preoccupied with that.

I got home last night and saw all the cute stuff that my sister had left for her bf for Valentine’s Day, including a photo of her that said “love you forever” which really set me off.

In the beginning, I was so happy. I had found someone who was everything that I had ever wanted. But then the anxiety crept it and started ruining things. He has never actually done anything wrong, yet we argue a lot.

I feel like I am trapped in my own head. On the one hand I am worried that we are not the perfect fit for each other, and on the other hand I am worried that my anxiety is just ruining everything.

Is it that big of a deal if we don’t have all the same interests or hobbies? We have the same values and sense of humor and are very comfortable around each other. I feel like an idiot for asking for advice, as most people say that when they’ve found the one “they just know”. But I feel like you can’t be sure of anything when you have anxiety.

if anyone has ever felt like this and gotten over it, or had doubts but still ended up with their partner, I would love to know. I am really struggling, thanks for reading.

[MsPurple]

HI Lovedogs and welcome back to the forums (cool name 🙂 )

I had a relationship break up a few months ago, so I know how tough it can be. Especially around valentines day.

I know it can be hard dealing with a breakup, however sometimes it is for the best. I am not sure if you are wanting to get back together with them. It sounds like you are arguing and also you want to go travelling and they are not interest. Now I know partners do not have to have everything in common, however some common interests are important. If you want to travel with your partner, it would be ideal if they would compromise and go on some trips together, and you could go on some with friends/family. If you want to try be together still you'd need to have a serious discussion about what you both want in the relationship (doesn't have to be a long term discussion but what you both want).

Have you discussed this relationship with your sister? I found talking about it with my friends and family about it really helped. They helped me put it all in perspective as well. Although on the forums we are really supportive, it is hard to get the whole picture, and all the feelings behind it.

So I went through a break up and he said he would message me a week later, which I heard nothing. I discovered that I wanted something different to him. It was better for me not to reach out, as I deserve to be with someone who wants the same things as me and that we both show mutual respect.

I hope this has helped. If you want to talk more about it I am open ears 🙂 I'd love to hear back from you

[Lovedogs9]

Thanks for your reply Ms Purple. I have spoken to all my friends and family but unfortunately to them it just seems like we’re always fighting and that we’re not a good fit. I think once I can get to the bottom of what is causing the fights, things will get better. I am seeing my therapist tomorrow and am hoping she can help!

[MsPurple]

HI Lovedog

Glad you are seeing your therapist about this. It is good to hear from someone that doesn't know you about it to get perspective.

If you are arguing a bit it can be a sign that the relationship isn't going in the right direction. I know myself, I do not like arguing and I hate confrontation. If you are arguing more than having a good time and enjoying each others company then it is a sign that you guys may need a break, or to talk about what you both want in the long term.