Since finishing school, seven years ago, I tried to study at university. Each time I tried to settle into a new school, my general and social anxiety would become unbearable, I'd try to keep up but I get behind and withdraw. It got to the point where I couldn't leave the house and ended up studying online, at three different distance education schools. I still haven't finished. I ended up three classes short of graduating. So I gave up last year and the only thing I have to remind me is the HECS debt that highlights how I failed repeatedly at achieving my dreams.
Fast-forward to this year, where my boss asked me to undertake a Diploma to further myself in my early childhood career, I agreed and was really excited about it. This year I'm also getting married, buying a house, a couple of months ago my aunt died, my foster brother has been charged with two assaults and my biological brother has distanced himself from our family.
I started off strong. I was so proud of myself for doing the first assessment and getting organised. I couldn't do on campus, so I've been working and studying, they end up changing my lecturer and I didn't even know. Then I received feedback for that assessment telling me they wanted more detail and expected a higher standard as its diploma level. It broke something in me and I froze all over again. I tried my best to keep going, but with my Auntie's illness and then death, I just didn't have the energy.
The school didn't contact me or provide any information about what else I should be doing. No subject list, assignment deadlines, no nothing. I honestly knew nothing about what I should be doing, I worked on the at-work task book and just kept going.
Then the tutor messaged a few days ago and said that she hope I'm well, but they haven't heard from me and I'm in danger of losing my funding.
I don't want to repeat old mistakes. I really want to grow. But the pressure and anxiety I feel around studying buries me. I want this lady to believe I can achieve this. I want to change. Fear of failure is destroying me.
Please help!
