Anxiety is pushing my partner away

[Nelly88]

Hi there,

okay here goes, I am in a wonderful relationship, now engaged to my fiancé, he love and supports me and my daughter. I couldn't have asked for a more caring man. 

My issues of past a certain past relationship have made me completely undatable until I met DF. That it was all going well until I moved my whole life to a new town. Where I don't know anyone. But I did it because I love him very much. 

Okay so I guess right now my issue is I don't trust him, well I do deep down bit my anxiety likes to play scenarios of him cheating in my head, i get obsessed and go through his phone constantly, check his clothes his car, my anxiety consumes me and I go on a frenzy that I can not control or stop, until we have a fight and he calls me crazy. 

At first I never had any issues or worries but now they are taking control, these frenzies need to stop, they get me worked up and I feel sickened at how far I go to prove my own imagination. 

Sorry mite be a bit long, but i have no one to talk to. 

[white knight]

Hi Nelly,

I'm no psychologist but anxiety is only part of this. Anxiety wouldnt cover all 0f the above. You really need to seek your GP and a referral to a psychologist or therapist.

In my opinion your actions would indeed push me away. So your partner, this really good man as you say, must be very disappointed in your actions.

Seek help now and admit you know you have this problem but you love him very much. you'll need his support and understanding.

Tony WK

[Nelly88]

Well it's not like I do these without some reason, he does work away four weeks at a time, and is home maybe two weeks in between, and once when we had a fight he had looked up a past brothel site to go an visit, I them found out that he hade constantly cheated on his ex partner the exact same way, he hasn't cheated on me that I know of but now that I know this past information it's very hard for me to trust when he's away especially for such long periods of time.

[JessF]

Hello Nelly, anxiety issues aside, it sounds like the real issue is trust within your relationship. That will only be solved by open and honest communication between the two of you.

[Linda1818]

Hi Nelly88,

if I would be you I would leave him straight away. He 'potentially' cheated on you and most likely already has had. Don't fear for his mistakes. He is a disloyal man and you got the proof.

Me, in my position, I am a bit in a doubt. I have a bit different story. I have the same obsessions as you but my partner has another story. He was fooled around until the age of 27 with no sex before marriage and then started to visit all sorts of adult services until he met me. also betrayed his ex in the same way once.

I have trust issues and don't know if I should leave him for his past, I haven't noticed ever that he was cheating on me, but his past is bearing hard on me. I don't know what to do.