Hi 🙂
I had my first anxiety attack when I was around 16 and I thought I was going to die, my mum found me on the floor gasping for air and trying to call my sister. My attacks are dramatic heres what I experience... first I start concentrating on my shortness of breath which is the first sign, I get surges of anxiety that almost feels like electric running through my body, then comes the uncontrollable crying, numb hands, loss of speech, shaking jaw and legs. Once this is all over I feel lifeless, tiered but also relived and free. I hid this from my partner for as long as I could but the first time he saw this he was speechless and did not know what had happened. He didn't completely understand it until he also had an anxiety attack.
My mum said the trigger was dealing with my Dyslexia in school and ever since then I have had attacks randomly my whole life. One of my friends made a comment that it was weak which made me realise how ignorant people are about this disorder and that I don't think anyone can truly understand it unless they deal with anxiety. I am General manager of a successful video production company, I manage a team of 10, its fast paced and a lot of responsibility! My anxiety does not hold me back if anything it makes me want to prove I am more than anxiety and I can take control. Anxiety doesn't mean you are a withering mess all the time you can live with it, I do everyday! Sure its annoying and pops up at the most inconvenient times but you cannot let it rule your life.
My anxiety can be from not wanting to go into a shop until I know what I need to get for dinner, to feeling shaky and physically sick until a disagreement is resolved.
I saw Beyond Blue which urged me to go to the doctors after deal with this for over 10 years, I have never dared to do before because I thought you know what people are dealing with worse things than this and I am wasting their time. All I would suggest is finding the right doctors do not go to quick turn over doctors, my experience with them was bad, my doctor almost dismissed it tried to put me on anti depressants and made me sign up for therapy then sent me on my way.
I have grown up around mental illnesses, manic depression, Schizophrenia, alcoholics its been apart of my up brining and I am not sad about this because these have been the most memorable people in my life and not for their illness but for their character and personality.
Remember it is not a weakness.
