Anxiety is consuming my life

[Ale]

This is all new to me. I do see a therapist but I’m not sure if it’s enough.

i am married with a 3 year old and 3 month old and I’m in constant worry about my financial obligations.

I am at home with my kids full time while my husband works big days. We also manage and work a cleaning business, which over the years has taken a hit and isn’t doing well so I also work as a fitness coach locally and I recently got a job doing night fill at woolies.

i haven’t yet started at woolies which is where my anxiety has kicked up. When I got the job I had only just had my baby and I informed them I needed time to heal as the birth wasn’t the best. They understood which was wonderful. I informed them as of Jan 1st 2019 I was ready to work. I’m a hard worker all I want to do is provide for my family and kids like my husband. But they still haven’t rostered me on to work and they have issued rosters till the 13th of Jan.

I know most people would just go call them and find out. Which I am going to do but I had plans to do something with my kids today and because I found out I wasn’t rostered it’s thrown me.

I can’t and won’t leave the house. I feel sick. I am crying. I am worried, what if they don’t offer my shifts. What if I can’t pay my bills and provide for my children. It consums me. And if it’s not this scenario it’s another about my financial obligations.

I struggle with the thought of loosing my home to the point Ifeel I need to do something drastic for it to stop and so my children don’t develop my anxieties. It completely takes over every part of my life and I’m numb until it’s resolved which sometimes can take days.

im sick of feeling like this I keep trying therapy but I’m worried it’s not enough and I’m never going to get past this. I’m worried it’s just going to get worse as life goes on.

[Croix]

Dear Ale~

Welcome here to the Forum, I'm glad you posted as you seem to be stretched to the limit.

Being worried of finances is a perfectly normal sort of thing to worry about, however if one has an anxiety condition that worry escalates, and all perspective is lost. Life becomes pretty frantic, threatening and horrible.

I have similar and sometimes have to talk to my partner in order to get a more realistic view of things (I tend to see disaster looming)

I'll start by looking at things logically (which probably will not do much at the moment, maybe later

You have just had a baby, and that left you with some problems. Birth is a huge event and one's emotions and physical abilities are all over the place as a result.

You are not alone, you have a husband who is as responsible for things as you, and does bring in money too.

You are immensely capable, the variety of things you do is pretty amazing, and the number of enterprises you are involved with is awesome as well.

So you have not yet been rostered, which may mean anything. As you say ringing and asking will let you know the facts - at the moment your mind is making up facts (the worst probabilities) and it is these false facts you are reacting to.

Suppose the worst - you did not get the job, you are enterprising enough and motivated enough to find something else, not end of world.

OK, as I say none of this will probably sooth you at the moment, so what else?

Have you discussed your feelings with your husband? A partner can make a huge difference as I've found. If not him is there anyone else -family or friend?

Can you get some practical help with bub and your 3 y.o. just so that you have a little time for you to try to relax -in whatever way seems best?

Have you talked over your extreme feelings with your GP and therapist, your current regime is not working properly and may need to be altered (which happens often)

I've left the thing that worries me most until last, you said "I feel I need to do something drastic for it to stop", now I don't know what you mean. For many people it might mean thinking of killing themselves. If you have felt that way please sing out, here on our 24/7 Help Line (1300 22 4636) or on a crisis line like the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

I wold really like to hear more from you, you are not alone in this

Croix

[Ale]

Hi Croix,

thank you for your reply and kind words.

my husband is amazing with it all. He is the logical thinker and my rock but I feel my rollcoaster emotions are going to be to much for him one day. Something I have told him many times.

Working for myself has brought on all my anxieties. I love it but it’s destroyed me also which is why when this job came up I jumped for it.

Im looking to call them today to ease my anxieties and I hope all is well and it’s just my mind playing it’s usual tricks. I don’t see my therapist till mid January and I’m on the fence as to weather or not I need to go on medication.

[strugglingalone]

13th of Jan is really only 2 weeks and a bit. Your shifts will probably come out in the next batch. I would try and call them though because sometimes people just make stupid mistakes. Calling them is the only thing that will help either ease or justify your anxiety, then you can take steps to fix it. Everything Croix said is spot on.